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"I was petrified. I thought nobody in their right mind would ever fancy me again. I thought I would be alone forever."

To say 48-year-old Graham Bateson was feeling mildly apprehensive after his divorce is an understatement. It's a daunting thing, re-entering waters that proved treacherous on your last dip, and it's even more complicated when your confidence has taken a pounding. It's hard to know when to try again. Just ask Ryan Tubridy.

Tubridy has remained circumspect about his love life since his split from wife Anne-Marie Power two years ago, despite rumour mills going into overdrive and breathlessly linking him with every female he's stood anywhere near since.

When he was willingly photographed with model Laura Toogood at the premiere of the new Bond movie last Thursday showbiz pages erupted in a new frenzy of speculative matchmaking, trawling through Laura's past and wondering if Toogood was good enough for the television presenter.

It must be tough living in the public eye and having your every move scrutinised, particularly when it comes to the sensitive mating dance that usually takes place in private. All break-ups are difficult and navigating the etiquette of dating after a long time away from the game can be excruciating.

Graham Bateson doesn't have to endure gossip columnists or paparazzi, but he was hesitant about starting anew. After 19 years of marriage, "I had gotten myself into quite a bad place", says Graham. "Stuck in a marriage that had gone sour, then I was busy trying to sort out things with the kids.

"I was so ground down that I honestly never thought I'd ever meet anyone ever again," he says.

"I thought there wasn't a chance in hell that anyone could be interested in me and I was numb. I hadn't built up any network of friends. I'd been very family focused and I thought because of the comparatively low divorce rate in Ireland a couple of years ago, that nobody else would be in the same boat."

Graham didn't know where to start. He didn't even realise that he wanted to -- until his children went away to spend the summer with their mother. "I suddenly woke up. It felt as if I'd been in a daze for years; I hadn't ever gone out much and I didn't have a clue how to even go about it."

Light dawned when he spoke to his sister, who had used internet dating websites with some success.

"I figured no one was going to come and knock on my door and going out to a bar wasn't really an option. It's different when you're in your twenties; chances are you'll meet available people when you're out. When you're in your forties, though, you can't exactly walk up to people and ask them if they're single, so websites seemed like a good option to avoid any blunderbuss approach."

So, how did he get on? "It was weird initially. Using the net means everything happens in reverse; you get to know someone first and then meet them, rather than the other way around. Emailing can give you a good overall impression of a person, but obviously there has to be a physical attraction too. Although some post photos, you really don't know until you meet them."

So did you ever find you had gotten the wrong impression? "Yes! There's a certain internet-speak: a lexicon you discover quickly, where voluptuous can mean erring on the wrong side of fat, attractive can mean that you mightn't throw up when you see me and so on. The chatting part is usually a good vetting procedure, but there has to be that physical spark too."

Graham was initially delighted with the number of responses he got, but quickly learned to be discerning. He fell for the first person he met in person, but unfortunately after an intense start, the relationship didn't work out.

"It was real eyes-across-a-crowded-room stuff, and I suppose I made a lot of mistakes. I was overly keen, and I went too far, too fast. I fell hard."

He got hurt, but it hasn't deterred him from forging on.

"I learned a lot about myself, and I'm re-learning dating skills that I'd long forgotten. There's definitely a 'dating dance' that I was clueless about. I was craving affection and it felt good to have it again. But I'm chalking it up to experience. It was better to feel hurt than to feel nothing."

Graham was brave. Dating after a separation isn't easy, particularly when your personal circumstances have changed considerably.

"Your self-esteem is definitely at a low ebb," says Geraldine, 41 and mother of three. "You think, what have I got to offer? A busy professional, Geraldine didn't have the time or inclination to frequent bars or clubs and although she had an established social circle, she wanted a fresh start.

"I wanted to begin again. I wouldn't consider dating anyone I'd met through work," she explains. "And the people in my social circle knew me as the wife of my ex-husband, so I wanted to turn over a new leaf, almost re-invent myself, and start again when it came to dating."

She'd heard of a company called It's Just Lunch from a friend in the US, so when she found they were in Ireland, she went to see them. "They were very professional and easy to talk to," she says. "Along with a lot of other detail, one of the things they do is write a paragraph of the impression they get of each person.

"They're either very intuitive or really well trained, because they were very accurate with the people they introduced me to," says Geraldine.

"You try to avoid discussing past relationships until you get to know one another better," she says.

"The agency made all the arrangements with restaurant bookings and so on and although I was very nervous going in, they made sure I met people of similar interests, in a safe environment."

So, any luck?

"I went on three very enjoyable dates with three bright, interesting men. I'm dating one of them exclusively now; it's early days, but I'm happy!"

Steven (not his real name), didn't have such a positive start in his attempt to re-launch his life after his relationship broke down. The 40-year-old spent time looking for solace at the bottom of a glass, with much drinking and swapping of sad stories.

"I found casual sex surprisingly prevalent. I went for anyone that would have me. I was not in a good place and when I look back, I clearly wasn't fussy. Because I was reluctant to 'partner up' seriously, I went for other rejected people. Alcohol blurred the lines as well, and beer goggles made me make inappropriate choices."

Now happy in a new partnership, he says: "My advice would be not to do anything drunk except go home alone. Don't dial, drive or date while drunk."

Alison, in her 30s, decided to take control of her dating future. When she tried dating after her marriage, she found it more complicated than she remembered. A busy woman who travelled a lot, she decided to approach dating like a career move.

"I thought, right, we take charge of our careers and don't leave them to fate -- why should I leave my personal life to chance?"

Using the It's Just Lunch agency worked for her. "Frankly, it was convenient to have someone take charge and filter out people who mightn't work. I knew what I wanted, and because you pay a fee to the agency, there are no time-wasters, unlike the internet which can be a bit of a free-for-all."

Being focused has proven to be an effective strategy for Alison, who is now dating a man she was introduced to via the agency.

"You may as well show yourself in the best light --almost like a job interview -- and go from there!"

It seems that regardless of who you are, it's wise to clear one's mental decks before embarking on a voyage to find love again.

However, even though you may have to weather a few storms, and life's never perfect, nobody wants to be alone.

Which ever route you take back to dating, take heart from these peoples' stories -- there's always hope on the horizon.

Dos and don'ts of dating

There are no hard and fast rules to dating, but here are some tips that won't do any harm.

Do let go of the past. It's done. Build yourself a small bridge and get over it. Quit telling your story; it's boring.

Don't jump straight into another relationship. Take some time to adjust; you need to be alone for a while to rediscover who you are.

Do find a balance. Seek love, but don't make it your whole life. Get a hobby. Knit, volunteer. Knit yourself a volunteer.

Do cultivate relationships with other single people; it's depressing being the token singleton in a crowd of couples; like being alone on Noah's Ark.

Don't get hammered on dates. It's pathetic and leads to arm-gnawing moments of awkwardness later.

Don't come on too strong. It's unnerving, and you're dating, not stalking. Keep the mystery and let things progress naturally.

Don't introduce the person you're seeing to your friends and family too early; it's tempting when you're used to being part of a couple, but is overwhelming.

Do be open; rigid rules about a 'type' may mean you dismiss somebody lovely.

Do maintain your self-respect; go easy with sharing information. There's plenty of time to get to know each other; no early soul-baring. It smacks of desperation.

Don't take it all so seriously. Approach it with a sense of openness and fun. Flirt a bit, enjoy it all, and you'll be infinitely more attractive!

www.itsjustlunchireland.com, or phone: 01 672 40 60

- Geraldine Fitzgerald