The golden rules of the celebrity comeback
Joe O'Shea on how disgraced stars can save their careers -- in six easy steps
Scandal: Jonathan Ross has tried to keep his career alive after the Andrew Sachs debacle by apologising
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Wednesday November 05 2008
For better or worse, we are living in the golden age of celebrity scandal. Every illicit affair, embarrassing phone call or unfortunate arrest is captured on tape or shaky iPhone footage and is spread all over the internet before you can say Max Clifford.
Newsworthy celebs, such as Amy Winehouse and Paris Hilton, are followed by their own personal armies of voracious, video-equipped paparazzi.
And when professional outrage merchants such as Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross take aim at their own winkle-pickers and let fly with both barrels, it's (briefly) bigger than Obama.
But what happens after the initial shock waves have subsided, the underlings have been sacked and the celeb in question is surveying the wreckage of what was once a highly lucrative career?
How do the rich and famous come back from the brink, re-brand and rebuild, and convince the public to forgive all and worship them once more?
This is where PR gurus like Matthew Freud and Max Clifford earn their huge fees, using their dark arts and skills to engage in damage limitation exercises that are planned like military operations.
And the most basic strategy follows a tried-and-trusted story arc. The classic scandal begins, of course, with the initial disgrace.
This is quickly followed by a heartfelt mea culpa, rehab, some good works, a soft-touch interview on daytime TV, the public support of an understanding spouse and the final triumphant comeback with lessons learnt and a new album/movie/cabinet post in the pipeline.
And the public plays their part because, while we love to see the rich and famous fall flat on their faces, we also love a good comeback story.
Nobody really wants to see Jonathan Ross left a broken man, running a B&B in Blackpool; not even the British newspapers who clamoured for his head in the first place (after all, Ross is always good for a story).
The chat-show host can regain his place in the starry firmament, just as long as he follows these golden rules to celebrity scandal comeback.
1 Get Out In Front Of The Story.
The really good PR person will find out about the scandal just before it breaks, usually through media contacts.
And they will do their level best to get their client's retaliation in first and put the most positive spin possible on the story.
The classic way to do this is to use one gossip columnist to rubbish the scandal about to be broken by a rival.
The story should be along the lines of "My family have been deeply hurt by these totally unfounded claims that I had an affair with our former nanny who, sadly, we had to let go after she became unstable.
"And we are now prepared to help her get the professional help she desperately needs."
If a celeb can muddy the waters enough, it might just head off a full-blown scandal.
2 Be Ready to Say Sorry -- A Lot.
When Ben Dunne flew back from Florida on a grey Sunday morning in 1992, the papers were full of lurid tales of cocaine, call girls and panic attacks.
The natural instinct for any person would be to find a deep hole somewhere and crawl into it. But the then Dunnes Stores supremo, possibly with the help of some very good PR advice, decided to invite journalists, one by one, into his home and talk frankly about how he had hurt his family and his friends.
The media were shocked to have such open access and the public almost immediately came to see Big Ben as a basically decent man who made a bad mistake.
There was no doubting his sincerity (this writer was one of those who interviewed Mr Dunne that morning).
But it was also a classic case of the mea culpa defence and a shining example for any future Irish celebs encountering trouble.
3 Concoct an Explanation -- No Matter How Ludicrous -- And Stick To It.
When Eddie Murphy was pulled over by the Los Angeles Sherriff's Department on a spring night in 1997, with a transsexual prostitute in his car, he was not -- repeat not -- soliciting kinky sex.
No, Eddie (as he explained to the cameras later) was actually just being a good Samaritan.
"I'm just being a nice guy," said Eddie as he blinked into the camera lights.
"I was being a good Samaritan. It's not the first hooker I've helped out. I've seen hookers on corners and I'll pull over and they'll go: 'Oh you're Eddie Murphy, oh my God,' and I'll empty my wallet out to help.'
Did anybody believe him? Well, Eddie did have plausible deniability and has gone on to make a string of successful family comedies for Disney. After all, if Bill Clinton could look us in the eye and state: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman", then it's possible we'll believe anything.
4 Keep Smiling.
Inside, Victoria Beckham must have been harbouring bloody thoughts about a particularly sensitive part of David's body and an electric hedge trimmer.
But when the Rebecca Loos story broke in 2004, the Posh'n'Becks PR machine swung into action and the couple were soon pictured cavorting on the ski slopes of Courchevel. Funnily enough, the "We've Never Been Happier" snaps were taken by Posh's favourite paparazzo, who just happened to be driving past their secluded chalet.
And while the Beckhams did make lots of noise about suing Ms Loos and various newspapers, their lawyers never did get around to issuing writs.
Still, at least Brand Beckham has survived and prospered (which is more than we can say about Posh's singing career).
5 Do Good Works.
We're not suggesting Jonathan Ross should spend the next five years running an orphanage in Bangladesh. But we can expect to see the suspended BBC chat-show host appearing -- in a low- key way -- at a lot of charity events over the coming months; walking the red carpet and looking relaxed, confident and in no way desperate to get back on TV.
Former British cabinet minister John Profumo was involved in the affair that, for many, heralded the start of the Swinging Sixties and the end of the stuffy empire and the deference that kept the sins of the rich and powerful out of the daily papers.
Profumo was genuinely horrified at the scandal he had caused and, shortly after leaving office, he volunteered to clean toilets at a shelter for the homeless in the East End of London.
Profumo worked for the charity for the rest of his life and ended up raising huge sums of money for worthy causes.
"He had to be persuaded to lay down his mop and lend a hand running the place," said one colleague after his death in 2006.
6 Brazen It Out.
Also known as the George Michael Defence. If you are caught soliciting a cop in a public toilet, make a song and a video about it and get the public to love you even more. After all, if you are going to go down, you might as well go down singing and dancing to a catchy tune.
