'My name was always a topic of conversation when I was growing up," the boy told me. He was a tall, dark haired 14-year-old. He was sitting in the observation room of the child protection unit where I was based, about to spend an hour in my company because of extremely violent outbursts at his school.

A cursory look at his file indicated a possible source of stress: this young man's name was Napoleon.

How could such a mantle not attract ridicule and heartache?

"I mean, how many other kids were called after major historical figures?" he asked in exasperation. "There weren't too many Attilas, Hannibals or Wellingtons. I was 12 before I even met an Alexander, for God's sake!"

In the torrid world of celebrity, Wayne Rooney and his wife Coleen have just been blessed with a healthy baby boy, whom they have named Kai. Kai is currently the 68th most popular baby name in Ireland and the UK. Napoleon does not feature in the ranking.

Names do not have to be so eccentrically unique to cause problems. Another young man I worked with became the subject of serious bullying through being given the name Marion. This was again the result of his father, a fan of John Wayne.

Failing to notice that the screen icon changed his rather effeminate title as soon as he possibly could, Marion's father followed the path of the evil Dad in Johnny Cash's 'Boy Named Sue', and cursed his son to a childhood of fighting and anguish. In this instance, there was nothing to be done except literally have the child's name legally altered -- he also became John, possibly the most ordinary name he could think of, while, of course, keeping his father happy.

The fact is, unusual names more often than not say more about the parents than they do about the poor child who is lumbered with them.

Napoleon Bonaparte was an idol of the accordingly labelled boy's father, an ex-military man who had studied the diminutive Emperor's achievements in college.

"I was always told how great this guy was, how he was a brilliant soldier and politician, how he shaped the way the world is governed today -- I always thought I was expected to live up to that, somehow. That if I did anything to let down the image of this dead white man, I was also letting my father down. And it didn't help that the name caused me to have the piss taken out of me from the second I started school."

There are countless books and websites which deal with naming your child, and most posit the advice that parents should consider a number of factors when choosing the label by which their progeny will be known for the rest of their lives.

After all, children do not have any say whatsoever in what they are to be called.

The Bumper Book of Baby Names, published by Foulsham Press, warns parents to consider names "which reflect your child's burgeoning personality, and suggest qualities of strength or compassion to which they can aspire".

In other words, the name given to a child should be a gift, and reflect the persona of the child as an individual -- yet so often, this is flagrantly ignored.

Familial bonds can be the cause of problems, too. I once worked with an eight-year-old girl whose parents had seen fit to name her after her maternal grandfather -- Michael. The sensible thing may have been to call her Michaela, but they chose to go with the masculine. All young Michael's aunts and uncles had also had girls, and the entire family had wanted a boy to be born this time around.

Alas, it was just not to be, and so this final daughter was saddled with a man's name. It took much persuasion -- and six months' worth of visits to a child psychologist -- to add that extra vowel.

Keeping a family tradition does not always mean adopting a grandparent's name. I worked with a child in care whose given name was Tom Tom. His father was a drummer, and this had been his nick-name during his glory days.

Our names are hugely significant to us psychologically, and while we may fantasise about having tougher titles (like Homer Simpson changing his name to Max Power), most of us would never trade up for anything else. This is because our names become hard-wired into our psyches, and can even influence our personalities.

Research has shown that, for example, girls with very feminine names like Daisy or Poppy, can develop attitudes and behavioural traits which mirror that. Similarly, underneath his anger, Napoleon's teachers all agreed that he was a very strong individual, with clearly defined leadership qualities.

The message seems to be that choosing a name for your newly arrived child should never be done in haste. Remember, you -- and your little prince or princess -- will have to live with it for many years to come.

A brief look at the names many parents -- both inside and outside the world of celebrity -- inflict upon their children shows that the act is regularly used as an exercise in attracting tabloid attention and pseudo-intellectual posturing than it is cementing a child's future success -- or sanity.

- Shane Dunphy

Irish Independent