Mum's the word in alternative parenting
Saturday November 10 2007
I was just leaving my daughter's schoolbag on the table at her pre-school class when I noticed it.
Hers is a My Little Pony bag. It nestled among a Dora The Explorer bag, a Bart Simpson bag, a Bob the Builder bag and bags of various other lucrative, child-focused franchises.
From the side pocket of one of the bags protruded a bottle of commercially produced, blackcurrant-based drink.
Previously, my chest would have inflated with the sense of superiority that comes when your daughter's beaker is filled with organic mango and apple juice, purchased at the local farmers' market, and diluted with (filtered) water to reduce the proportion of sugar.
The old me would have indulged in a mental riff about the mood-altering (not to mention teeth-altering) properties of fructose. I might have even sneaked a look at the label to check out the sugar content.
But not this time. I have decided to cast off the yoke of judgment.
You bring up your kid your way, and I'll bring up mine in a slightly superior way, but I won't say anything about it, OK?
This change in attitude has been influenced by two books about parenthood published this week.
The first, and by far the funnier, is Mommies Who Drink by Brett Paesel. Paesel is a bit-part actress-turned-writer whose honest account of how drugs, sex and drink helped her get through early motherhood has caused a storm in the US. Her book was banned in Oregon, which will help sales no end.
Her philosophy -- which is now also mine -- runs like this: "As long as your kid isn't hammering my kid's head into the sand in the playground, I do not care how you're bringing him up."
The second work is Knock Yourself Up (subtitle: No man, no problem) by Louise Sloan, which has also caused a furore in the US.
Sloan conceived through artificial insemination, and writes a how-to guide to deliberately becoming a single mother.
The single mothers she has in mind, though, are not the working-class stereotypes who haunt the dreams of right-wing politicians and columnists. No, Sloan is writing about middle-class wannabe mums who left it too late. Now all the good men are gone, and all that's left is the sperm bank and the syringe.
Although the books are wildly different -- and I suspect good-time girl Paesel would hate the earnest Sloan -- the controversies surrounding them are surprisingly similar.
Each presents a version of motherhood that is outside the norm, and that is why they have both received such a hammering in the media.
Sloan in particular has been savaged on the popular website salon.com for championing the idea that dads are neither here nor there when it comes to raising kids.
Paesel's version of motherhood -- where mum needs a stiff drink before putting junior to bed -- also challenges people's ideas of what a proper mum should be like.
There is tremendous pressure on parents to conform, because if they deviate at all from the conventional path, all the other parents who are on that path feel threatened.
And the road to perfect parenthood is a bumpy one. The opportunities for upsetting everyone else are legion. Vaccination? School selection? Diet? Clothing? Your choices about all of these things should carry a warning: wearing/eating/saying this thing can seriously piss off other parents.
That's why it's good to read about two mothers who dared to be different.
As for me, I am quite enjoying my new non-judgmental, zen-like state.
That bottle sticking out of the bag back in the playschool? They probably just reused an old bottle like the good recycling parents they are. And the juice? Probably home-pressed organic blackcurrants from their own garden. Probably.
- David Robbins
