Supermum is knackered. This undecorated modern superhero has been balancing more balls than a Cirque du Soleil performer and is pissed off at being taken for granted. For years, she's been skating on the thin-ice promise of the perfect life and having it all -- the kids, the career, the husband, the hot body and the fantastic lifestyle. But, lately, her will is waning, her balance is off and the cracks are beginning to show.

Just check out the online parenting forums. They are on fire with pleas from stressed-out mothers who desperately need advice and some sisterly back-up. The modern mum's self-confidence seems to be at an all-time low and insecurities abound in cyberspace. From women worried about being replaced while on maternity leave, to tired mums anxious at work because they're distracted about a sick child, to miserable mums who think they are failing their kids because they're too exhausted to read a bedtime story -- this is the fallout from the belief that women could have it all. Instead, they feel more pressure than an over-pumped tyre.

Alongside the pressure, there is the guilt. Only a DPP would come across a guiltier section of society. Mums feel guilty about everything, all day, every day. Particularly if they return to work. It's a favourite pastime of working mothers, chastising themselves for all manner of things. It could be the valid worry that they are not seeing enough of their kids, or not there after school to help with homework, or the fact that they missed the first successful aim into the potty. Everything is a rod to beat themselves with.

Ghislaine Byrne, a mother of one, works in sales for Sony and is often hard on herself as a parent. She feels tremendous guilt when her commute takes a little longer than usual and traffic doesn't go to plan, and she gets delayed by a few minutes.

"I feel so bad if he is the last child at the aftercare; there is nothing worse," she explains. And on those very rare days, the guilt is almost unbearable. According to Ghislaine, "He'll get into the car and say: 'Did you forget about me today, Mum?' Those are the times when you think that your heart will be wrenched from your chest."

It seems that for mothers, the post-partum guilt stays around much longer than the post-pregnancy weight. Lynne has two sons, aged two-and-a-half and nine months, and she is finding the return to full-time work torturous. "I would love to be at home with my boys, but we bought our home at a time when house prices were so high that two wages were needed for approval and I had to go back to work."

Financial pressures have forced Lynne to make a decision that she otherwise would not have made, and she is finding it desperately hard to keep her guilty feelings in check. Lynne is "heartbroken" to leave her children in the care of somebody else and, by her own admission, she just can't stop crying. But, "bills have to be paid".

Modern women spend an inordinate amount of time justifying their life choices. If they return to work full-time, there are remarks made about them not spending enough time with their children and allowing strangers to look after their family. Similarly, if they stay at home full-time, they are subjected to catty comments about throwing away a college education, or giving up on their own lives. And on top of this need to vindicate their lives to other people, stay-at-home mothers and working mothers often judge each other.

Sue cares for her children full-time in the home and claims that some of her peers look down on her because she chose to give up her job. "My husband and I are sick of people implying that I am a Fifties' housewife and that my husband makes me stay at home. That's just not the case," she says. Her frustration at the lack of recognition given to stay-at-home mothers is palpable. And the accusations that work in the home is not as valid as work outside the home really infuriates her. Sue's story also indicates the paucity of family support structures available to women who are full-time mothers, compared with those there for previous generations. "Life for stay-at-home mothers has changed so much since our mother's day," says Sue.

"There's no support, no neighbours to call in on, and there's no recognition of the effort that goes into being a stay-at-home mother," she says wearily. It also seems that being a full-time mother, although on the rise -- perhaps in part due to the economic downturn -- is still not the norm. Despite feeling isolated sometimes, Sue says that she made the right choice for her and her family and gets enough support from her husband to make up for anything else that is lacking. She also claims that Irish women have been duped into thinking that the only way to live is to work full-time and depend on creches. She urges women to look for better maternity and paternity leave rather than have a nation of "exhausted working women" trying to do everything and keep everything together with increasing fragility.

Of course, there are women for whom staying at home was never part of the plan and who make no apology for this. The return to work for some new mothers is a totally positive move, something that is happily anticipated and is in no way thrust upon them.

Emma Byrne, an advertising and sales manager, never wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and was eager to return to work full-time. "I really admire mums who are prepared to stay at home because there are a lot of women out there who don't want to end their career and give up their own life and give up their job and their prospects and all that, and I was very much like that," she says. However, Emma admits that it has been difficult to keep everything afloat.

Likewise, returning to work was always part of the plan for Yvonne Carey-Tyrrell, a teacher with a stepson and twin daughters, but some people outside the home were not enamoured with her decision.

Yvonne says: "The fact that I had twins made people presume that I wouldn't be able to cope with work, the girls and my stepson. They were like, 'You're giving up work, aren't you?' I was really taken aback by some people's incredulous reaction."

However, she is quick to point out that while she enjoys her job, her family's finances also depended on both wages and the choice to stay at home, even had she wanted to, was ultimately not viable. And although Yvonne was determined to go back teaching, guilt reared its head when it came to leaving for work on that first day. She just wasn't prepared for the upset that came with leaving the children behind in the creche.

"I walked out of the room and burst into tears: I found it so, so hard," says Yvonne. When Yvonne's husband was made redundant recently, it gave her even less of a choice.

The use of creches is a very divisive issue and the occasional nightmare creche story gives a little credence to the opposition. Such stories strike fear into the hearts of parents and add even more stress to the lives of working mothers. One such story comes from Ann, a former nurse, who decided to return to study so she could get a nine-to-five job. Her 13-month-old daughter was attacked by other children at her new creche and, as a result, had to stay overnight in hospital.

"She had bruises all over her face, bite marks on her cheeks, the back of her head, her hand, her arm and scratches on her face," Ann says. It was eventually discovered that the creche owner had left eight babies and toddlers unsupervised and the creche was shut down following an investigation. However, Ann was tormented by the result of her decision to put her daughter in the creche and had to undergo counselling before she could even consider leaving her daughter in the care of someone else again. With the arrival of a second baby, she eventually felt ready to go back to work and found a creche that was well run and attached to the offices of her new job. The children stayed there until primary school, and Ann now employs an au pair.

Luckily, Ann's story is not the norm. Emma Byrne feels extremely lucky with the creche that she uses three days a week. She says that it allows her to apply herself fully to her job. "If you can go into work in the morning and focus on what you are paid to do, and what you are there to do, and not worry about what is going on behind your back, then that's invaluable," she says.

Similarly, Sandra, a mother of three children under four, and with another one on the way, works in the media and has had good experiences with creches. She believes that putting her kids in a creche part-time has been the perfect solution for everybody concerned and it has allowed her to stay on the career ascent. Although the outlay for her childcare is €2,400 per month, she still feels that it is worth it, as she enjoys her work and the kids enjoy the creche.

"They get to interact with kids all day and are kept busy, I'm also happy that they are getting a balanced diet, because they get all their meals in the creche and the children will try more foods there because they see other kids eating them," she says.

Even if a mother has found a creche that she can trust and has dealt with the worries about leaving her babies with strangers, things do not get any easier in the workplace.

Becoming a mother remains the biggest roadblock for women trying to get ahead in their career. Want to lose that promotion and alienate work colleagues? Get pregnant. As harsh as that may seem, it's the reality.

"It was hard enough to get a promotion before having kids, but now there's zero chance," is how one mother described her future career hopes. This unfair disadvantage only applies to women. It's no secret that some employers will view a job application from a woman in her 30s differently than one from other age groups, or a male applicant, the ticking clock casting a cloud over the CV of any thirty-something woman. In these tough times, some companies are becoming increasingly unsympathetic towards a mother's need for some flexibility in a job, and they are largely petrified of the possibility of maternity leave.

According to Katie, employers used to be more accommodating because they needed to be. That was before the recession when people could pick and choose jobs more freely and employers did not have their pick of unencumbered, quality candidates and so were willing to make more exceptions for women. But that has changed.

"With unemployment rising, mothers feel more vulnerable and, as a result, they don't want to be raising a flag that says, 'I have kids, or want to have kids, and that could be a problem,'" Katie says. Mothers also miss out on networking opportunities over that after-work gin and tonic in the evening, which shouldn't be underestimated in terms of getting ahead and making friends with the right people -- this is Ireland, after all.

Sometimes, it's not only the employers that working women have to worry about. Lauren, who has two children and works in administration, claims, "It's not only men who frown on us working mums, but other women in the office, too." It seems that other colleagues can get a little irked when mothers finish early to collect the kids or are seen to be given preferential treatment when it comes to getting opportunities to job share and needing time off.

Aside from work, the loss of a social life is another issue that can make mums feel even more stressed and lonely. Emma Byrne learned by experience.

"One of the most difficult things for me to cope with was the fact that people stopped calling and the invitations dried up, but you do quickly find out who your real friends are and your priorities do change when you're a mother," says Emma.

Most women swear to themselves that even when they become mothers, they'll retain a social life. But they discover that having children completely transforms a woman's life -- and changes a man's life much less. Most men could manage a few midweek pints with friends, but very few mothers regularly enjoy this freedom. All man-bashing aside, there are fewer and fewer opportunities for women to hook up with friends and maintain relationships with people who don't have children. Mothers, for the most part, can wave bye-bye to nights with the girls and the flaming sambucas, at least until their little ones hit Wesley disco. By which time, the parents will need an occasional few shots just to cope with the stress of dealing with teenage tearaways who keep their underwear in their pockets.

Back in the home, even the most industrious supermum struggles to keep on top of everything, and the grind is relentless. Most women are still doing the larger part of the housework and childcare, even if they work full-time. Those with enough money may choose to pay for some help, rather than to iron uniforms at midnight, but there are plenty of women who don't live in Sandymount and just couldn't afford to hire someone. So they just have to get on with it.

Of course, there are superdads in existence who do more than their share. As Yvonne Carey-Tyrrell puts it, "You come across a few men who do everything and plenty of men who do zero." And while her own husband is a very hands-on dad, according to Yvonne, "He always cooks but he'll never load the washing machine."

There is also that fact that, when it comes to childcare, in many households, a working mother's job is considered slightly less significant. Mum Cait complains, "I do think that I am more responsible than my husband for the childcare. For example, if they were sick, he would never think to take time off work. It's always presumed that my job is less important."

So, more often than not, mothers get the short end of the straw. They seem to worry more, sacrifice more and face harsher criticism than the dads in this world. More proof is required from mums that they are doing a good job, be it in the home or in the workplace. And, sometimes, it is all a bit too much. They reach the end of their wick and burn out.

But mostly, they just keep going and it all works, however much on a knife-edge. They probably don't feel super most of the time. In fact, more often than not, they probably feel terrible.

It was the infamous and former editor of Cosmopolitan magazine, Helen Gurley Brown, who first penned the phrase "having it all". Interestingly, she never had children. She also had a boob job at 73. And when asked in her 80s what she regretted most in life, Gurley Brown said it was not keeping her flat tummy. Maybe her "having it all" meant losing all perspective, and who would want that?

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- Claire Ryan