From Brangelina to Cecelia, is this the end of the nuclear family?
With chick-lit queen Cecelia Ahern announcing that she has no plans to marry the father of her baby, Deirdre Reynolds looks at the changing face of family life in the 21st century
Rainbow family: Brad and Ange have three adopted and three biological children. Photo: Getty Images
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Things used to be so simple for Santa. Slide down the chimney, drop a present for each of the kids, pause for a mince pie or quick snog with Mrs Claus under the mistletoe, then leave.
But with the changing face of family in Ireland in recent years, making house calls must be more complicated than ever before for the festive icon.
Civil unions, separation, re-marriage, adoption, co-habitation and child-free couples have all led to a more colourful scene around the Christmas tree in homes across the country.
And the traditional nuclear family comprising a mum, dad, 2.4 children and a dog is fast becoming an endangered species.
Chick-lit millionaire Cecelia Ahern is the latest to shun convention while settling down.
The youngest daughter of the former Taoiseach and her partner David Keoghan welcomed their first child -- baby girl Robin -- into the world earlier this month.
But Cecelia (27) says that she and David have no plans to tie the knot.
"I certainly don't feel any pressure to get married," she says.
"David and I made a commitment to one another a long time ago, which is as strong to me as marriage.
"If and when marriage happens, it will be a decision David and I make in our own time, on our own terms."
They're not the first power-couple to refuse to be pigeon-holed by the fusty term 'nuclear family'. Across the pond, unwed Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie boast of their "rainbow family", which includes adopted children Pax from Vietnam, Maddox from Cambodia, Ethiopian Zahara, as well as biological kids Shiloh and twins Vivienne and Knox.
But divorcees Pitt and Jolie -- who count actors Jennifer Aniston, Billy Bob Thornton and Jonny Lee Miller among their collective exes -- persistently pooh-pooh rumours of marriage.
Pop-royalty Madonna (51) is reported to be spending a thoroughly alternative Christmas with ex-husband Guy Ritchie; their son Rocco (9); adopted Malawian son David; Lourdes, her 13-year-old daughter by former fitness trainer Carlos Leon; and adopted tot Mercy, also from Malawi.
And it seems baby Jesus is being left out in the cold this Christmas -- the singer won't be spending the season with her toy-boy lover model Jesus Luz, according to tabloid prattle.
Meanwhile, the world's happiest divorcees Demi Moore and Bruce Willis make the Brady Bunch look like miserable buggers by regularly being snapped together all smiles with their new spouses -- actor Ashton Kutcher and model Emma Heming, respectively -- and three daughters Rumer (21), Scout (18), and Tallulah (15).
"I've witnessed an incredible change in the traditional family unit here over the years," says family therapist Owen Connolly of the Connolly Counselling Centre in Dublin.
"Any clinician in the country will tell you that's one of the major things they're dealing with.
"As a psychologist, you have to move away from that traditional way of thinking because it can bias you."
But straight, gay, single parent or separated, he says modern Irish families still have one thing in common: we've all got issues.
"Whether it's a gay couple, a straight couple, divorced or single parents," says Owen, "there is no difference between the problems that are faced by families all around the country.
"There's a whole spate of reasons why a couple decide they don't want to be part of some traditional structure that binds them together.
"And there isn't the same stigma to having children outside of wedlock any more.
"On the other hand, statistics show that lots of young couples are paying big money to do just that."
Despite decades of bleating by right-wing family groups, he reckons children are no better off if their parents have the big white wedding or go the common-law route.
But if you do plan on putting the cart before the horse -- or doing away with the horse altogether -- make sure the children's needs come first, he urges. "I don't think one is necessarily better than the other," Owen adds.
"Children will behave like children, no matter what -- and whatever their circumstances, they have the ability to twist and turn and make their way in the world.
"But sometimes if a couple commit but don't marry, it can leave a doubt in the mind of either party that one day the other will walk. We don't have a common law process here like they do in other parts of Europe and often it's the child who suffers.
"It doesn't make any difference if you marry or not, the most important thing is to make sure the children are provided for if things do go sour."
- Deirdre Reynolds
Irish Independent
