Sunday 21 December 2014

Movember? Sorry, boys, but it's just not pretty . . .

Yes it's for a good cause -- but that's no excuse. Heidi Scrimgeour pleads for an end to hairy madness

When uttered by the man you love, there is one sentence that is guaranteed to strike fear into the heart of a woman.

One minute I was brushing my teeth alongside my husband on a crisp, cold autumn morning and the next, his sudden, heartfelt expression of intention had shattered my reverie, making my blood run cold.

"I think I'm going to grow a moustache for Movember," he said, stroking his not-insubstantial beard and gazing thoughtfully into the long-neglected shaving mirror.

When I finally recovered from almost asphyxiating on my toothpaste, I nearly fell to my knees to offer up a prayer of thanks because this meant the beard was to be no more. Hallelujah!

Instead I sank to the floor and begged him to reconsider the ill-advised hairy-upper-lip look.

I'm not the only wife who loses her husband beneath a forest of facial hair every year in November, either. 'Movember' has become something of an annual tradition among the males in our social circle.

Movember is a month-long charity event ( aimed at raising funds for prostate cancer and testicular cancer, which is a cause I wholeheartedly support.

Participants are known as Mo Bros. They must be clean-shaven when they register and throughout November they will grow their 'mo', raising money through sponsorship.

More than 45,000 men in Ireland have signed up to grow their own mo, and my husband and all his mates are plotting extravagant facial hair 'features' that have us wives running for the hills. It's a genius idea. It's just that there are scores of other acts of charitable sacrifice for which I would happily lend my support, financial and otherwise.

It's worth noting that my husband is an illegal participant, having begun with a beard worthy of the wild man of Borneo. Given that he's evidently not playing by the rules, I am offering to pay an undisclosed sum direct to charity in return for the removal of the offending facial obfuscation.

But he is thus far resistant to my pleas so I have resorted to writing an open letter to my husband and the male species, outlining why Movember is no laughing matter for us overlooked mo-wives.

Here goes.

Dear husband, and Mo Bros of the world...

So I quizzed another pal for her feelings on the matter: "I don't hate Movember," she said, smirking. "I think it's fun to see everyone looking like idiots." Still not convinced as to the damage your mo could wreak upon your relationships, Mo Bros? Well, read on.

2. Kiss goodbye to kisses

When my husband announced his intentions, I uttered mournfully: "See you in December, then." There is just no way I'm getting up close and personal with a furry face.

Irish Independent

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