Homeowners

Property boffins said the property crash may finally be coming to an end after figures showed house prices recorded their first annual rise in five years.

In the year to June residential property prices increased by 1.2pc.

As one ex-Taoiseach might say: "The bust is getting boomier, but let's not upset the apple tart."

23 AND 69

So you have just passed your 24th birthday? Well cheer up, the good news is that you will be happy again – when you're 69.

A London School of Economics study showed folk are happiest at the ages of 23 and 69, but most regretful in their mid-50s.

Oh dear, we wish we didn't read that.

BAD WEEK

Forbes

The influential US Magazine apologised after it described happily-married President Higgins as an "acknowledged homosexual".

The writer said the mistake was caused by "time pressure". Ahem, yes.

Twitter wag Ciaran McMahon said: "Thankfully Forbes have removed that article which contained the scandalous and highly inaccurate allegation that our President is a poet."

McDonalds

Can't a woman take her horse into McDonald's any more?

A lady was fined after she was refused service while in the saddle in the drive-through lane of a Manchester branch. She led the animal inside, where it relieved itself on the floor.

How dare they say "neigh" to a horse. That's discrimination, that is.