Psssst! Did you hear? Office gossip could get you fired
John Costello on the Wall Street firm that has outlawed water-cooler whispers
Library Image. Photo: Getty Images
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Lunch is for wimps. Greed is good. But gossip is bad, very bad. So bad, in fact, it could get you fired. Yup, an American firm has tried to put the kibosh on gossip by making it a sackable offence for anyone caught grappling the office grapevine.
Wall Street's Gordon Gekko, played by Michael Douglas in the iconic '80s flick, famously set out the philosophy every trader hungry for success needs to embrace. But now Ray Dalio, a real-life Wall Street heavyweight, has set forth another golden rule for Gekko wannabes.
Bridgewater Associates, the hedge fund company where Dalio rules the roost, is implementing a stringent diktat banning all office gossip.
Employees get a mere two warnings when caught tongue-wagging about their bosses or colleagues behind their backs, and then it's a case of third-time very unlucky, as they are fired on the spot if caught again.
This ruthless policy, according to Dalio, is a declaration of war on "weasels" that spread gossip in his office. "Never say anything about a person you wouldn't say to him directly. If you do, you are a slimey weasel," he wrote in a highly confidential document entitled the 'Dalio Rules,' which, in a twist of irony, has been leaked onto the main motorway of modern gossip, the internet.
We all love a good gossip. Indeed, as Alice Roosevelt Longworth, daughter of the 26th President of the US, once quipped, "If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
So how does one of Wall Street's head honchos expect to enforce a rule that seemingly goes against human nature?
Using technology, of course. All company meetings are now recorded and stored in a "transparency library" so staff can listen to what their bosses say about them. On the flip side, bosses can hear any nasty nicknames they may have acquired by ear-wigging on loose jabber at staff meetings.
Remarkably, Dalio claims his staff "love" the enforced anti-gossip rule, which, he says, creates a culture of "brutal honesty" within the company. Brutal or not, other companies seem so impressed they are taking the lead from the tycoon, estimated to be worth $4bn by Forbes magazine, and are trying to curb their employees' enthusiasm for gossip.
However, don't stop wagging your tongue just yet, as it is unlikely many Irish companies will be lining up to follow suit.
"I think organisations in Ireland have much more important things to worry about at the moment," says Paul Mullan, Human Resources expert and founder of Measurability.ie. "Gossiping has always been and will always be part of organisations. But I think it is something very difficult to control."
In companies throughout Ireland, where rumours without a leg to stand on always seem to get around some other way, it is unlikely such a rule would hold much sway.
'You might be able to record what people are saying in meetings, but you can't tape people in the pub after work or when they meet up at weekends," says Mullan. "I think it is a natural thing that happens in all elements of life and not just in the working environment."
This, however, has not deterred companies Stateside, hundreds of which are trying to ban gossip from the workplace, according to New York life coach, Beth Weissenberger.
In fact, they have become so obsessed with political correctness, some have even drawn up lists of approved and taboo gossip.
Apparently, in one company, idle tattle about Britney Spears is allowable, whereas making jibes about the Pope is seen as a disciplinary offence. Strange, but allegedly true.
But while idle gossip can prove terminal to your career prospects in Wall Street, should we all try to stop whispering around the water cooler?
"I think there will always be some element of dissatisfaction in the workplace," says Mullan, "and when people are upset about something, that's when they go for the smoking break and talk about the issues affecting them and the organisation."
However, if you have your mind set on being the next Gordon Gekko, the advice is to get a firm grip on your tongue.
"I would always advise individuals that don't agree with something to address a source that can actually do something about it," says Mullan.
"Gossiping or backbiting doesn't achieve anything really. The only way you can fix something is by addressing it with someone who can actually influence it."
Even if your organisation is a hotbed of malicious and vicious chatter, you should be afraid, indeed, very afraid of becoming the Perez Hilton of your office.
"From personal experience, there is always someone who is the 'gossip corner' within a workplace and is playing both sides," warns Mullan. "They are almost always feeding it back into senior management. So if you are found to be involved, it might not reflect positively on you."
Writer Sholom Aleichem once described gossip as nature's telephone, but the advice from the experts is, make sure you hang up before your boss dials 999.
- John Costello
Irish Independent
