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Workplace bullying: Survival of the meanest

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By Sinead Nolan
Thursday Jul 16 2009

With 86pc of people admitting to having being bullied at some point in their career, Sinead Nolan investigates what happens when females get nasty...

Alena* (27) sits at her desk trying to hide her tears. Having moved to Ireland from Germany three years ago she joined a large Dublin firm. Pretty and confident she only began to experience bullying two years into her job when everything seemed to be going well.

"It started about last July, when one or two new girls joined the team," she said.

"It began with small things, like when I walked into the room people would snigger. They would do things like going for lunch without me."

But then things got worse: "One of the girls would be particularly harsh -- making comments about work I'd done wrong, my clothes or my weight."

One Tuesday afternoon, Alena had had enough. "I had just received another vicious remark from a co-worker sitting at the next desk," said Alena.

"Something snapped, so I calmly emailed the director of the company and told him I would like to speak to him about the problem."

But instead of being reassured Alena was just told to get over it.

"I thought my boss understood. But then he joked that there were 50 people waiting to take my place and to count myself lucky I had a job. I was livid. I don't think he took me seriously at all."

Alena may have been angry but she is definitely not alone. New statistics show that the number of cases of women being bullied is growing quite rapidly.

The New York Times has just reported that as stress levels rise during the economic downturn, we are to see bullying increase. The report was based on a survey taken in August 2007 by the Workplace Bullying Institute which showed that around 40pc of bullies are women.

When Karen* started her new media job in Dublin, she felt like she'd found her dream job. That was until she encountered an unfriendly female co-worker.

"It was a small office, so when the boss was around she would be nice to me," said Karen. "As soon as he would leave to do an errand she would change. She wouldn't help me get to grips with learning the ropes. Soon my boss was being stand-offish and three weeks later I lost my job."

Karen thinks the other woman may have been bad-mouthing her to the boss.

Professor Mona O'Moore, co-ordinator of the Anti-Bullying Centre at Trinity College Dublin, says bullying can be harder to define when the perpetrators are female.

"Women will use more psychological forms of bullying, whereas men are more organisationally determined or physical, for example, sabotage of equipment or defacing material such as personal belongings," she said.

"Do not blame yourself -- seek internal or external help as soon as possible so that the informal route to resolution can be taken.

"If it's organisational, it is more difficult as there may be a plan to bully one out of the job. In that case it's useful to seek legal advice and counselling to prevent the huge emotional problems associated with being bullied."

Dr Tony Byrne of the Awareness Education Office says these women may appear strong but that they are likely to be jealous of the people they are attacking.

'Very often bullies are people with poor self-image, incompetent, jealous, and have a strong inner desire to control others," he said.

"They take pleasure in picking on victims in the company of others, take credit for other people's work, never admit to being wrong, twist the truth and are vindictive."

Dr Byrne warns that the façade can't last long and that often their allies can be their next victims.

"Bullies are usually cowards with low moral and ethical standards. They feel the need for collaborators to support them in their aggressive activities. However, when they have broken down a victim and that person leaves the workplace, they tend to pick one of their collaborators and target him or her as the victim."

But it's not only co-workers that can be intimidating -- it can be pupils too.

Leanne* (24) was a teacher in a language school. She always received great feedback from students. But recently things changed. "The class was all similar in age to me. There was one student in particular who took an instant dislike to me," said Leanne.

"She was good friends with two of the other girls in the class and they all ganged up on me, giggling and making it difficult for me to teach. I mentioned it to my boss and she just told me to put up with it. I cried every day on the way home."

Leanne started to dread going in so much that she couldn't even sleep at night, so she decided to take things into her own hands.

'On the student's second to last day I stood up to her and defended myself. Then the student went to my boss and complained. I explained the situation to my boss who said she understood where I was coming from but I shouldn't have said anything to the girl.

"My boss' reaction to the situation was to cut my hours. She couldn't afford for the student to complain -- as there were so few students coming over because of the recession."

As a result, Leanne said she felt like giving up teaching and feels disappointed she was not defended by her boss.

But what can you do if you are a victim? Dr Byrne has some advice.

"Keep a diary, recording all the instances of bullying. In a very firm voice tell the bully that if he or she continues bullying you will take more serious action. If it continues you should consider requesting a lawyer to write a formal complaint to management," he advises.

"If you are being bullied it is important that you talk to someone else about how you are feeling" says Suzanne Costello, Director for Ireland Samaritans.

"Talking openly about overwhelming feelings, without being judged, can be a huge relief and is the first step in finding a way to cope."

* Not her real name

- Sinead Nolan