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We're in love. We just want our 'gay marriage' to be recognised

Simon and James shared a joyful commitment ceremony -- but they crave equal rights, says John Costello

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By John Costello
Tuesday Jul 13 2010

It was love at first sight. And even though it was their first date, it just seemed natural to say: "I love you." Now, seven years later, Simon Sweeny and James Callan are looking forward to being one of the first gay couples in Ireland to legally tie the knot when Civil Partnership becomes available for same-sex couples next year.

"It was the June bank holiday in 2003," says Simon, remembering that first date. "On the Monday we went out for a cup of coffee and it really happened so quickly."

They had both been working in Dunnes Stores but had never really spoken to each other. It was only after Simon had left to start his career as a hairdresser that James discovered he was gay and asked a friend to arrange the date.

"We just knew," says James. "The minute I saw him. I knew straight away."

Twelve months later James was bent down on one knee on a beach in Crete asking Simon if he would marry him.

"I knew I wanted to be with Simon if he would allow me. So I got down on one knee, and he said 'yes', and I was very lucky," says James.

This summer, the couple celebrated their Commitment Ceremony with friends and family, while awaiting the Civil Partnership Bill to pass.

'We treated it like a normal wedding," says Simon.

"We had 140 people there and everyone was so excited about it. We were originally going to go to Vegas to marry but we decided to cancel because we knew not many people would be able to come and so many wanted to share the day with us.

"When we told everyone they were so delighted, and we went full steam ahead planning the ceremony."

It was pretty much a traditional affair with tuxedos, best men and bride's maids.

"Well, we called them grooms' maids because there was no bride," laughs Simon. "Both James's parents walked him in and then my parents walked me in. The ceremony was so amazing there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

"It was my parents' 40th wedding anniversary on the day, and everyone said it was the nicest ceremony they had ever been to. People didn't know what to expect, which was natural, but everyone we met afterwards said it was an amazing wedding."

While the two are excited at the prospect of making their commitment to each other legal in the eyes of the State, they feel saddened that their love will still not recognised in the same manner as heterosexual couples.

"The words 'civil partnership' say it all," says Simon. "It is not seen as a gay marriage and will never be seen as gay marriage. Civil partnership just sounds as if they are fobbing us off, saying, 'OK, you live together and you have some rights, but it doesn't give you all the rights'.

"It doesn't say a lot for the country that they won't even give us the word 'marriage'.

"I don't see the big fuss. We are normal people. We just want to feel recognised in our own country. If the Government recognises us, maybe people on the street will recognise us.

"For us not to actually say we are a married couple is not fair. It makes you feel as if you are not even a person."

But James is thankful that things are slowly getting better for same-sex couples and the gay community.

"I think Ireland has come a long way when it comes to accepting people who come out," he says.

"I think Irish society is maturing and a lot of it is what people are seeing on TV and reading in the papers.

"They are more willing to give people a chance. At the end of the day, we are still human beings. Once you are in love with someone, that is all that matters."

- John Costello

Irish Independent