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Saturday Aug 21 2010

THE PROS

Not having to endure the temporary insanity that afflicts every woman in the build-up to, and on the day of, their wedding.
Not having to decipher women's use of the words 'fine' and 'nothing'.
Not having to go to Woodies/Atlantic Homecare/B&Q.
Indulging sloth.
No doilies, candles, bed cushions or throws.
Not having to explain unsanctioned withdrawals from joint bank accounts.
A relatively full head of hair with only a smattering of grey.
The ability to eat microwaved dinners on your lap in front of, and in control of, the television.

THE CONS

A lack of clean clothes.
Having to organise and pay your own bills.
Not being able to exercise the family tradition of inflicting the middle name of St John (pronounced 'sinjun') on your eldest son -- a tradition in danger of dying out unless your marital status changes.
Patronising advice.
Pitying looks.
The increasing fear of being discovered dead on your couch, clad in nothing but tracksuit bottoms, with a microwaved chicken balti on your lap and the TV showing The Hills.

Irish Independent