By Kate Daley
Thursday Feb 14 2008

Love used to be so easy. In the good old days all it took was the bat of an eyelash, a flowery poem and a decent dowry to lock in a lover for life.

But with the advent of the internet, traditional methods of dating have been eclipsed by new approaches to love, which now include everything from online to cell phone dating, not to mention the possibility of meeting a potential love interest through internet social networking sites such as Bebo and MySpace.

How can true love be found through a web of codes, pictures and favourite bands, one might ask? Well, online dating allows users to get to know someone's personality before they meet, so they can rule out people they wouldn't be interested in, says Jill McGrath, managing director of MaybeFriends.com, a popular Irish dating site.

Dating has changed dramatically in the past few years because of the internet, she explains.

"As you look at the singles market in general, people are waiting to get married," said Ms McGrath. "And because couples are waiting until their late twenties or older to search for a partner, many traditional ways of meeting people in places such as pubs or nightclubs aren't as appealing."

Of the 6,000-plus people on the Maybefriends.com site, most are between the ages of 28 and 40, but they even have users in their 70s. Other popular sites such as Anotherfriend.com claim to have more than 170,000 registered members from Ireland, and they are becoming increasingly popular.

For some, the prospect of online dating has made finding love easier than ever. Larysa Rodriguez was 31 when she decided to try online dating. Between her demanding marketing job and completing a business degree part-time, she wanted to meet someone but didn't have the time for a serious relationship.

"I decided to go online because it seemed like the newest way to meet people," she said. "And a lot of my friends were online. It took me a while, though, to get really comfortable with it because you just never knew who you were talking to."

But in 2003, she began talking to a man named John. From his perfect spelling and hilarious emails, to his interest in golf and travel, Larysa had a feeling that he would be a great match, and she decided to meet him in person.

"I remember walking up the stairs and seeing this guy sitting alone -- and then he smiled -- and I was like 'wow, he is really good looking and what a smile'," said Larysa.

Funnily enough, Larysa thought that John looked familiar. "Well, after a process of elimination, we realised that we went to the same school. John was a year behind me and remembered me," she said.

The couple eventually moved in together, got married, and now have a new baby.

"Our online experience was very successful and we are both really lucky to have found each other. Who'd have thought that we would have to use an online dating service filled with thousands of people to find each other, when we practically grew up together."

Larysa's success story is becoming increasingly common now that people are searching for romance online. But the rules of dating are changing, and 10 years ago online flirting and amorous messaging didn't even exist.

While the world of online dating can be a great way for singles to find love, it can also be a devious way for those already in a relationship to start something up on the side.

It's become a sad but common story. Siobhan met Mark (not their real names) when she went to Canada to work for the summer. He gave her his email and the two became very friendly when she returned home to Dublin. The pair continued talking and flirting online for months, even though he had a girlfriend.

"You'd think that would be my warning sign," she said.

When Siobhan returned to work in Canada for the year, Mark finally broke up with his girlfriend and the pair began dating. Their relationship progressed and Mark decided to move to Ireland to be with her. But in Dublin, things between the couple changed.

"He was acting a bit funny," Siobhan said. "And he always had text messages coming to his phone. So I got his email password and got into his email conversations that had been stored there."

What she found ended their relationship. Mark had still been chatting with his ex and another girl, saying he was going to break up with Siobhan, and that he wanted to come home.

"When I confronted him he got angry, saying he couldn't believe I read his emails," said Siobhan. But Mark later admitted that he had been messaging his old girlfriend for months, saying horrible things about their relationship, and looking to get back together.

Siobhan says she may never trust anyone the same way. "When you come out of something like that, you're convinced that the next person is doing it. You just wouldn't feel secure the next time," she said.

Dr Monica Whitty is a senior lecturer of psychology at Nottingham Trent University, and an expert in online relationships. "Cyberspace can appear to be part real and part fantasy," she says. "It can seem more fantastic than anything in real life."

She says that because the internet provides new ways to get to know each other, it also provides new ways for people to cheat. Some online dating sites exist exclusively to promote infidelity among married people, for those who are honest about their interest in hooking up while attached.

"There are a range of different types of infidelity," she explains, and it depends on what people consider cheating. There are two types of relationships that can start online: sexual and emotional.

"A lot of them do stay online," she said. "But I guess there is the threat of following through."

Cheating online has a similar affect to in-person cheating, says Dr Whitty, because it breaks down the trust in a relationship. She says psychologists are increasingly reporting more people coming to them with issues of online cheating.

"The internet has provided a space where they believe they can get away with more." She says there will always be people that cheat but perhaps there are people who wouldn't have done it had it not been so easy to maintain on the internet.

Even if a person is having the affair in real life, the internet now makes it easier to organise meetings, and chat more frequently.

She says some warning signs that your loved one may be involved online include strange behaviour, acting distant or if they spend more time on the computer.

Make clear rules about what you consider to be cheating, she says, before it breaks up your relationship.

For better or for worse, it seems the conventional relationship is changing with the times -- and the technology.

- Kate Daley

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