I think I'm too old for those silly situations of unrequited love!
Husband refuses to say why he uses garden as toilet
Monday Dec 10 2007
Q We are both 60 years old and look younger. My husband retired five years ago. He is super-fit and healthy. Since retiring, he ceased all sexual contact, became unsociable, and concentrates solely on his physical fitness.
What is really upsetting me is his constant use of our beautiful garden as his personal toilet.
We live in a big house, in a wonderful neighbourhood, and he will pass by bathrooms, toilets, unlock all doors, in any type of weather — rain, frost, dark nights — to get to use the garden.
Is he mentally ill? He is a control freak like all his family. Please help. He refuses to enter discussions of any kind.
A You frame your question as though the earlier information about your husband's sexual and social withdrawal from you doesn't matter. Is that true? Is his determination to pee in the garden what really upsets you most?
I have absolutely no idea what is going on in your husband's head. And I know almost as little about the way he is actually behaving. Are you telling me he's locked himself away in the gym and interacts with no one? Or has he simply withdrawn from socialising in your company, either privately or amongst friends? Has he given you up, or has he given everyone up?
People do, of course, become mentally disturbed. It happens. People can also be decidedly eccentric, for which we have a lot less tolerance than we used to. And people can determinedly make a point, because they are trying desperately to be seen and heard.
I don't know which of these categories your husband's behaviour belongs to. I do need to ask you my first question again. Did your husband's withdrawal from you upset you? Did you try to win him back into your bed and into your company? I hear you when you say he won't discuss peeing in the garden. Did you try to discuss him disappearing from your side? Is he, in other words, desperate for your attention? Do you love him? Does it show? Do you really want to help him? Or do you just want him declared mad as well as bad — a loony control freak rather than a lost soul? Think about it.
