Held at gunpoint by inner sex maniac
Sunday December 27 2009
I READ a really sad story last week. It was about a woman in New Mexico who was left with a damaged nerve in her pelvis after a car crash. According to reports "she now becomes sexually aroused ... while vacuuming, sitting on a bus, bending over or simply walking across the room." And her life has been made unbearable by this "insatiable libido."
Now I'm not a qualified doctor myself, but I think there might be a technical term for this unfortunate condition. It's called "Being a Man". This poor woman has somehow contracted a male sex drive and now, unique among her sisters, knows the constant hunger that haunts us.
Oh how I laugh when I hear women say that "only the other day" they saw a guy they quite liked. "Only the other day?" I chortle to myself. "What about only the other minute? What about most minutes of most days? What about walking around feeling like your sex drive has you at gunpoint and you had better accede to its maniacal demands or else."
And all of this chasing of tail actually eats up a lot of time and energy. We're talking long nights in nightclubs, boring dates with attractive people, deciding which countries I would visit based on their perceived proportion of sexy people to mingers. (Japan: No, Argentina: Schwing!) I'm fairly sure that if I were to undergo some kind of chemical castration, thereby freeing up my life for other things, I might well be President of the World and have found a cure for cancer within a few years.
Alternatively, if this woman's doctors find a less drastic measure then I will be on a plane to New Mexico in the morning, first thing after my cold shower.
- Donal Lynch
Sunday Independent
