Right behind you, Pam
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By Donal Lynch
Sunday Dec 20 2009
AT first there is a bit of shock to learn that Pammy Anderson is doing panto.
Has she really fallen that low? Porn, we could forgive, another ill-advised marriage to Tommy Lee by all means, but, seriously, the buxomest vixen of the past 20 years in the same line of work as superannuated soap stars and washed-up TV presenters?
Having selection box remains hurled at her by unruly toddlers? Truly we can now say the Noughties are over.
But very quickly, as the image of Pammy "tucking into a portion of chips at a nearby pub after her first night" (according to reports) sinks in, we must forcefully ask the question, "How do we get her?"
If she's prepared to do it in London, then we owe it to ourselves to try to lure her to Dublin. Not that there's anything wrong with off-duty Fair City stars, but if we're to shout "it's behind you!" at anyone, we'd really prefer it to be at the pneumatic-breasted wet dream of an entire generation. So, if there are any cigar-smoking theatre moguls in Dublin, now's the time to pounce.
The budget set aside for washed-up soap stars is now to be converted into sterling cash, stuck in a brown envelope marked "Pammy" and somehow left on her breakfast tray (if indeed she can afford a hotel that has such a thing these days).
She is to be told that Dublin chips far outstrip anything in London. It should be hinted that the producers of Fair City might offer her a role and somehow work a red swimsuit into their storyline. This might be the best bear-market celebrity buy we'll ever see. At least until Madonna signs up for I'm A Celebrity.
Donal Lynch
- Donal Lynch
Originally published in
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