I trained my brain not to care about nudity at work. It’s like going to the beach
Crusty Kenny stakes claim to hippie chicPat Fitzpatrick sees the broadcaster reveal a new bag, man
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By Pat Fitzpatrick
Sunday Apr 6 2008
SO Pat Kenny has finally released his inner crustie. After the wasted years of an uncool lifestyle, with his "best-dressed man" awards and spotless finger-nails, Pat grabbed himself a bit of hippie chic in the High Court last week by claiming squatter's rights on a piece of land adjoining his property. Where will this end up?
Can we expect his morning radio programme to move to late afternoon after Pat releases a statement saying "Look man, mornings aren't really my thing"?
It's all change at The Late Late too, which from now on will be broadcast from a dimly lit wigwam in Sligo. Pat will sit in the middle next to a scrawny greyhound called Class Action, wearing his new pinstripe, hemp smock and supping a can of cider. The audience, or the Circle of Respect as they will be known, will sit around him on the floor, with their legs crossed, thinking, "this would never happen in Gaybo's time".
As if this weren't bad enough, rather than producing the customary one for everyone in the audience, Pat will go around to everyone in the Circle of Respect trying to sell a gate and convince them that Sligo County Council is controlled by the CIA. There will be a lot of drumming. The Toy Show will be shot at a fairy-fort on the winter solstice, featuring scruffy kids with names like Moonlight, Carrot and I Hate Americans. They will be asked for their opinion on toys such as a board game called Where Is The Love? which is made from turnip peelings and recycled lesbian-poetry books. The purpose of the game is to stop the building of a new motorway without washing yourself.
There is a lovely moment when Pat asks Carrot what he wants for Christmas, and he replies "A PlayStation, a laptop and a Range Rover." The Circle of Respect gives him a big a-a-a-ah as Pat says, "aren't kids crazy?"
- Pat Fitzpatrick
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