I trained my brain not to care about nudity at work. It’s like going to the beach
After Dustin let's get set for Ireavision
RTE is taking after East European TV, says Pat Fitzpatrick
Pictures: Independent Woman
• Celebs at NY fashion week
• Best of NY fashion Week
• Grammy Awards Red Carpet Style
• Red Dress Collection
• 20 Richest Supermodels
• Valentine's Gifts
By Pat Fitzpatrick
Sunday May 25 2008
THANK you Dustin, now we know how it feels to live in a Third World, totalitarian country.
What we thought was a brilliant, post-modern deconstruction of kitsch culture, the rest of Europe saw as a beak in a shopping trolley wheezing something unintelligible, while two female prison guards in bondage gear weaved about with sub-karaoke shouting.
Unsurprisingly, the audience said "What the Brian Cowen is that?" and booed.
In a sign that RTE is moving to Soviet-style propaganda, Marty Whelan ignored the booing, telling us that Dustin was a big hit, before going on to report that tractor production is at an all-time high and the war in the east is going to plan. The next step is to withdraw from the competition in protest at its promotion of eastern decadence. The Great Leader will address the nation after the Angelus, telling us, "No longer will our proud people be subject to the whims of those f**kers in eastern Europe.
"They can shag off. From now on will have the Ireavision, where our leading singers will perform from shopping trolleys and extra marks will be given to acts that look like they are only there to promote the flagging career of a tired puppet who has dined out on the same joke for 10 years. Good night and f**k the begrudgers."
This still won't soften the shame of last week in Belgrade. You can just imagine Azerbaijani viewers sitting through the entry from the Great Socialist Republic of Ireland. "Those poor people, they can only afford a shopping trolley and two female prison guards for Europe's top TV event. I don't even think that turkey was real. The poor things, I bet they voted for it in Ireland and thought it was funny."
Ahm, yes, we did actually.
- Pat Fitzpatrick
Download our iPhone App Now
Latest celebrity sightings
