I was so happy when I defected: I felt so good
Eoghan Kidney is 30 years old, and a visual artist and film-maker from Dublin. He defected three months ago through CountMeOut.ie.
'I defected as a direct reaction to the Ryan Report. It made me so angry, and ashamed to be Irish, quite honestly. It's something I had being thinking about anyway, because I considered myself an atheist.
I had a typical Catholic childhood. Even as a teenager I was a big believer, and had almost a romantic relationship with God. Once I started growing up, and looked at it rationally, that all disappeared.
To me, it's obvious that the Church is an oppressive institution. When I defected, I got two letters back asking me if I was sure I wanted to go through with it. Then a second asked if I was really sure. I guess that way they expect people to get lazy and not complete the process.
One of the letters invited me to conduct "an open dialogue" and address any issues that I had. So I sent an email, setting out 15 points as to why I was leaving the Church. They didn't respond to one single thing I asked. They were saying that it really hurt them when someone leaves the Church, but it didn't seem to hurt them too much when members of the clergy were raping children.
I know a lot of people who don't want to defect because they're afraid of what their families, mainly their parents, will think. But if you stay worried about what your parents think, you'll never do anything in life, and you're not going to be yourself.
When someone says they won't do it because their parents wouldn't like it, I think that's more to do with themselves than what the reality is. They really need to look inside themselves and ask what the right thing is to do.
That attitude, though, means that the Church's education has done its job. These people were raised Catholic, and maybe when they say their family wouldn't like it, they mean 'family' as a religious entity. So the logic is, 'My family is part of the institution and therefore I'm part of the institution, and I can't leave it'. It's like something from The Godfather. My own parents were a bit surprised, but I think they began to walk away from it too as soon as it became clear from the 1990s onwards that the Church was involved with horrific activities. I think a lot of people did likewise. They're fine with it now. They just wanted me to be sure I knew what I was doing.
I was so happy when I defected -- it made me feel so good. It is a shame that people feel they can't leave. I know some of the most intelligent people who will denounce the Church and consider themselves atheist, yet they won't do this.
Would I investigate other faiths? The whole thing about religion is this belief in a higher power, and the strength you can gain from believing, 'I'm not the king of the world', which is part of the natural drive of humans.
Some people may need that in their lives: to believe in something bigger than them-selves in order to live their lives in a sane way. I don't think I need to believe in a bigger power. I feel secure in who I am. Maybe art is my main thing: art is always bigger than me, and that's the purpose I will serve. You can believe in something real and serve that, rather than something that lays down all these rules that say you have to lead your life a certain way."
- EOGHAN KIDNEY
Irish Independent
