'I love Marie so much I'm willing to help her die'
Pro-euthanasia campaigners in Ireland received a setback this week after the Council of Europe ruled that assisted suicide should be made illegal throughout Europe.
The Strasbourg-based organisation announced that such practices "must always be prohibited".
But in sharp contrast, lawyers in the UK for a man with "locked-in syndrome" have been given the approval to actively seek out volunteers to assist him to commit suicide.
For 59-year-old Marie Fleming, from Donegal, the legal debates on assisted suicide act as a side-show to her ongoing plight.
The former UCD lecturer and long-term Multiple Sclerosis (MS) sufferer wants the option to end her own life, and her partner of 20 years, Tom Curran, says he loves her so much that he is willing to help her do it. He could be charged with assisting suicide, or even murder, if he carries out his promise to her.
Five years ago, Marie registered with Dignitas in Switzerland intending to have an assisted suicide at the clinic.
"She was assessed (by Dignitas) and we provided them with her medical history," recalls Tom. "Marie felt she had to travel before her condition deteriorated.
"Had she waited she'd be too weak to make it there or to take the Nembutal (liquidised barbiturate used to end life if given in a certain dosage) because her ability to swallow was being affected."
But before flights were booked for Switzerland Marie and Tom decided there was another option.
"After we weighed up everything I promised Marie that if she did want to end her life I would help her.
"By even telling you that I researched what would happen to me if I helped bring about a peaceful death for Marie, I'm breaking the law, but to me that's absolutely crazy."
The couple met through work 20 years ago after being introduced by a mutual friend. Marie's marriage had ended in Wales a number of years earlier and she and Tom, a former IT consultant, quickly fell for each other.
He recalls the moment she told him about her condition early in their courtship.
"We were on the beach in Arklow. She was telling me because she knew we were both attracted to each other and that things could get serious and, that before they did, this was an opportunity for me to walk -- but it didn't put me off at all."
As the years progressed, so did Marie's illness.
"She was getting a relapse every two years and gradually it progressed to every year.
"After treatment she'd be okay again, she was in a stage of MS called relapse and remission. But after a couple of years it got to the stage where there wasn't 100pc remission."
In 1998, Marie gave up her position at UCD, as even driving from her home in Arklow to Dublin became too much.
Soon she would require constant care and 11 years ago Tom stopped working to look after her.
"We both went from having good salaries to getting by on my carer's allowance and Marie's disability allowance (currently €204 each a week).
"Back then I was getting more as an IT consultant per day than I'm getting now in a month; it was difficult to adapt to that change."
As her condition worsened, Marie decided she wanted to end her life rather than suffer from the symptoms of her condition.
"Marie started talking about suicide because at that time, about 10 years ago, she had a lot of capability and wouldn't have needed help to carry it out," says Tom.
"She said 'Look, if it gets to the point where the MS gets much worse and I don't want to put up with it any more, I want to die.'
"I found that perfectly reasonable, I think any intelligent person would think of it as an option."
Having decided not to travel to Switzerland to die, Marie now knows there are only two possible scenarios facing her.
Either she passes away naturally, before her MS deteriorates or, when it does, her adoring partner will help her end her life.
The latter outcome has been discussed with Marie's daughter Carina and son Simon and both are supportive of her decision.
"I love Marie, and part of that love says to me it's her right to have the option (to die) and if nobody else is prepared to give her that option, then my love for her means I have that job to do," says Tom, knowing well that carrying out his promise will almost definitely see him end up in prison.
A co-ordinator for the pro-euthanasia group Exit International, Tom speaks carefully and methodically.
"I detach myself when talking about Marie's situation; it's as if I'm talking theoretically, because that's the only way I can cope with it. It tears me apart, of course -- I'm only human, but it would tear me apart more to see Marie suffer, beyond the point where she doesn't want to tolerate it."
Today Marie's condition is stable, though she needs round-the-clock care.
"None of her body really works now and she can't even hold the weight of her head because her neck muscles are very weak. Her brain hasn't been affected but her speech, because of the fatigue, can be bad sometimes."
When up to it, Marie leaves the family home in Arklow to visit places such as the Avoca Handweavers with Tom, where they sit in the café, but most of her time is spent resting.
"We've fought very hard for the help that we get and we receive great assistance from the State and from neighbours.
"Carers from the health board and the Wheelchair Association help to get Marie up each morning, which takes about two hours, but now with the cutbacks we've been told that assistance may be reduced," says 65-year-old Tom, who's originally from Dublin.
Visited regularly by her grandchildren, Marie still embraces life despite her illness and Tom points out that she may never end up having an assisted suicide.
"She could die peacefully in her sleep tonight, she could catch pneumonia and die from that. Marie wants to be alive, but she doesn't want to die painfully."
There are 120 Irish members of Exit International, established by the controversial Australian Dr Philip Nitschke, and branches are currently being set up in Dublin, Cork and Belfast, so like-minded families can discuss their options.
"We don't break the law but we suggest to people that they should prepare for the future. We want the Government to be more humane in their approach to euthanasia but it's hard to get them to even talk about it" says Tom.
Marie has already made her decision, but for Tom the consequences of his intended actions are very unclear.
If he helps the woman he loves end her sentence he could well receive one of a different kind himself.
- Graham Clifford
Originally published in
