How was it for you?
As you watch your romcoms this Christmas, spare a thought for the actors for whom sex scenes are often more drizzle than sizzle, says Chrissie Russell
American actor Dustin Hoffman, in character as Benjamin Braddock, kneels on a bed behind American actress Anne Bancroft (1931 - 2005), in character as the seductive older woman Mrs. Robinson, in a still from the film 'The Graduate' directed by Mike Nichols, California, 1967. Bancroft holds a stocking and both are partially undressed. (Photo by Embassy Pictures/MGM Studios/Courtesy of Getty Images)
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After three long films of foreplay, 'Twilight's' lusty lovers, Bella and Edward, have finally got it on. The movie's called 'Breaking Dawn', but the scene that everyone cares about features breaking beds, with Robert Pattinson proving that he might play an ice-cold vamp but, when it comes to sex, he's hot, hot, hot.
Or perhaps not. To the chagrin of Twihards everywhere, R-Patz has been pouring cold water on their sizzling sexual fantasy by telling it how it is filming a raunchy scene.
"It was like planking for 20 minutes," he told one interviewer during promotional press for the film. "I had to hold on to a very specific point so I was completely suspended. It was impossible -- it was the most difficult thing to do."
All this while wearing a large fleshy G-string that made him feel "like an old ham".
Co-star Kristen Stewart hasn't helped. According to her, filming Bella and Edward's first time was "weird", "awkward" and "oddly technical", adding for extra measure that she struggled to keep a straight face while filming with her on and off-screen lover.
So much for that fantasy then. But, alas, the reality is that most of cinema's steamiest scenes are less than erotic affairs for the actors involved.
Just recently, Keira Knightley revealed she almost turned down her role in, 'A Dangerous Method', because it called for nudity and spanking.
Michael Fassbender, her leading man in the kinky scenes, was told in no uncertain terms not to get carried away. Keira said: "I actually said to him before we shot the spanking scenes, 'If you touch me I will kill you' and he reminded me I was tied to a bed at the time and really shouldn't be making any threats."
As an extra precaution, the actress opted to sup on vodka to gear up for the titillating shots.
Ewan McGregor has become something of a veteran when it comes to filming explicit sex scenes, from ripping off condoms in 'Trainspotting' to endless sex-club encounters in 'Deception' -- the filming of which the actor says left him "exhausted".
Recently asked by Graham Norton on his Channel Four chatshow about his feelings on shooting such scenes, Ewan replied: "I don't like them very much. They are awkward because it's a strange and bizarre thing to be doing. It's not a normal situation.
"I am 40 now and the actresses get younger and younger."
Normally, directors have no qualms about stage managing intimate scenes, but after filming his
tryst with Julianne Moore in 'The Kids Are All Right, Mark Ruffalo said: "You have the director telling you how to do it. A guy never wants to hear that."
Bruce Willis is more vitriolic about it. "Sex scenes are just hard work," he grumbled in a 'Playboy' interview after shooting 'Colour of Night'. "They are the most uncomfortable acting days you will ever experience. You're naked in front of 90 people. It's very unsexy."
Understandably, having another male choreograph your moves in the bedroom can prove difficult for some guys.
Ashton Kutcher grew weary of shooting sex scenes with Natalie Portman in 'No Strings Attached'. He explained: "The director would come back and say, 'I think you need to orgasm sooner'. So your male machismo is like 'No, no, no. It would take me much longer than this'."
"I'm sure every actor says it, but it's always slightly more complicated than it is in real life."
Ashton references Sir Laurence Olivier's technique when it comes to romancing the ladies on-set.
"He said something like, 'I apologise if I do get aroused and I apologise if I do not get aroused'," explained Ashton. "When in doubt, always use Sir Laurence Olivier."
Of course, there is a certain sex etiquette that must be adhered to among nude and vulnerable co-stars.
Colin Farrell won praise from his 'Ask The Dust' leading lady, Salma Hayek, for his attempts to put her at ease ahead of their outdoor romp.
Salma said: "I didn't want to come out of the trailer because it was cold and I didn't want to take my clothes off. But they knocked on his [Farrell's] door and he ran out naked, running and screaming, jumping up and down.
"Everybody started laughing and it did relax me -- that's why he did it."
While Colin kept his eyes focused above the neck line, Hayek sneaked a peak at the Irish man's bits. She confessed: "I did take a look, but I was not focusing because it was cold."
Perhaps Colin shared charm tips with his pal Jamie Foxx, who also went to novel lengths -- notably tying a bow round his penis -- to "lighten the mood" with his nervous 'Miami Vice' co-star Naomie Harris.
What is not appropriate is to neglect personal hygiene. Renée Zellweger reportedly had huge problems getting close to Russell Crowe on 'Cinderella Man' because of his powerful body odour.
Ditto Kate Hudson, who brought deodorant on set in an attempt to mask Matthew McConaughey's stench on 'Fool's Gold'.
And Sandra Bullock brought breath mints for Ben Affleck to counter his foul breath while filming 1999 rom-com 'Forces of Nature'.
Nor is it good form to mess with the script without telling your sex-scene co-star -- even if it does produce hilarious results.
Dustin Hoffman famously ad libed with 'The Graduate' script when he grabbed Anne Bancroft's breast during their hotel room encounter.
When the cameras ran and Dustin landed his self-styled move, it was to Bancroft's shock and director Mike Nichols' amusement.
The director laughed, Dustin laughed, banged his head against a wall and the sequence is the cinematic gold that ended up in the movie.
Jennifer Aniston might have taken the title 'The Good Girl' a little too much to heart when filming a love scene with John C Reilly.
John joined his lover under the covers only to find her dressed from head to toe. He said: "Her body was basically like a burka from the neck down."
Then Aniston asked for a chastity pillow. "I was like, 'what the hell is a chastity pillow?'" said Reilly.
"They brought out a big black pillow that she puts between her legs. From that moment on, I went from Robert Palmer to the Hunchback of Notre-Dame.
"I'm sorry, I guess I'll just hump the pillow!"
But not everyone is moaning with dissatisfaction. Amanda Seyfried said recently: "Sex scenes are great. A lot of my co-stars have been great guys my age, and so, why not? I'm not going to pretend it's not fun."
At least someone is having as much fun as it looks on screen.
- Chrissie Russell
Originally published in
