You don't just grow a moustache -- you earn it. Here's the beginners' guide to 'tache-tacular Movember.
1: Keep It Simple
"If you're a guy who's never grown a moustache, stick to something basic," says Lee Kynaston, the lifestyle and grooming editor at men's e-boutique Niven & Joshua, "Don't do anything too fancy initially."
2: Stay hygienic
'Moustache dandruff' -- is there an ickier concept?
Experts recommend washing your face after every meal (yes, including that sneaky burrito scarfed on the way home from the pub) and to use oil-free moisturisers (the oil-based ones are too easily absorbed by your 'tache, you see).
3: You are what you eat. Well, you're moustache is, anyway
Sad to say, certain foods simply are not moustache compatible. For the duration of Movember you should stay clear of soup, sugary donuts and candy-floss. Otherwise people may be staying clear of you.
4: Go retro -- just not too retro
As Jason Schwartzman proves (pictured), a finely judged vintage 'tache can be a thing of wonder. Just don't go too far back in time. Generally speaking, pre-'60s moustaches look absurd today. Take The Beatles' Sgt Pepper period as your starting date.
5: Just the 'tache, mam.
There's a vogue among fashionable 20-something types to double down on their facial hair, pairing the moustache with a goatee. These people are known as hipsters and are widely ridiculed. Trust us, you don't want to be one.