Do you consider yourself to have a healthy lifestyle?
How healthly I am living depends on how recently I have seen a photo of myself looking fat. I'm doing okay at the moment but I just got a notification that pictures from the weekend are up on Facebook so I'll be starving myself for the next few days.
Do you exercise regularly?
I used to play basketball twice a week and go to bootcamp classes every second day. But since I moved to England I've been very unlucky with injuries. Most recently, I broke my ankle playing basketball.
Do you do it willingly or begrudgingly?
Nobody starts doing it willingly, but when you see results people tend develop a certain superiority complex about it that spurs you on. I certainly felt that I was doing more than most comics.
What time do you go to bed?
Could be any time from 10.30pm to 2am. It just depends on where I'm working that night. London shuts down a lot earlier than Dublin. Most gigs there are done by 10.30pm so I'm usually home early, but if I'm in Bristol or Nottingham I'll be falling asleep at the wheel. It's great craic altogether.
What time do you get up in the morning?
My three-year-old son sees to it that I am playing with a lightsaber by 7.30am each and every day. If you're single that will sound like a nightmare but I am a fool when it comes to my little lad. I'd play with him all day if I could.
What do you have for breakfast?
Porridge with cinnamon and dried fruit every day. I love it so much. It keeps your skin clear and keeps you going until 2pm. It truly is one of the best foods in the world. I want it right now.
Recently I have been having salmon on crackers with lemon for lunch. It tastes like Christmas morning.
My wife is a fantastic cook. She bakes pasta bakes and stir fry that I wolf down at top speed. That's actually a problem. I eat way too fast on account of Tina's food being so delicious. (I hope she reads this.)
I am trying not to have any snacks because that was my biggest weakness for a long time. I have found salt and vinegar rice cakes recently. They taste too nice to be as healthy as they are.
Do you take any supplements?
Only when I'm in the newsagent and it's a Sunday and I don't want to buy the newspaper I just want the magazines. I'll just slide their supplements into whatever paper I am buying and act real normal at the counter.
How much water do you drink?
Damn all. My wife is always pointing this out. But let's be honest, this eight glasses a day nonsense is mental.
Do you have a skincare routine?
I have a routine about getting my hand slammed in a car door, but as of yet I have no routine about skincare.
Listen, we are all allergic to dairy, wheat, red meat, the sound of children crying, but can we stop any of those things from entering our system?
Is cake a vice? I hate beating myself up about things I like. This life is very hard. If you eat too much cake you will make it harder for yourself, sure. But a slice of tea brack with a big shlab of butter on it with a cup of tea is what you deserve at the end of a day chasing your kid, writing jokes and trying to make ends meet. Come on guys? Who's with me?
If I could change one thing about my lifestyle it would be . . .
Being injured right now really sucks. Seven weeks without running and another five-to-eight weeks still to go. I'm losing my mind. But apart from that, me and my wife are spinning a lot of plates and I think new parents shouldn't be that tough on themselves.
'Things We Love and Hate' is on TV3 in the new year