Watch out for the helicopter parents
Hovering mums and dads who meddle constantly in their child’s education can often do more harm than good
Black hawks: the worst 'helicopter parents' put their children under huge pressure
Wednesday January 16 2008
They become involved in every aspect of their child's education, even up to third level. They make their subject choices in school and decide which third level courses they apply for, haggling insistently with teachers along the way.
Helicopter parents who hover continually over their child's education have become a growing phenomenon in Irish schools.
The parent insists that little Johnny is an honours student, even when it is perfectly clear that he is more suited to ordinary level. The student might want to become a teacher or a scientist, but the parent insists that going into law or medicine would be better.
While few would contend that parents should not offer encouragement and guidance to their offspring, there are fears that too many pushy parents are overstepping the mark. Is there a danger that their spoonfed kids will crash and burn?
The extent of parental involvement in college choices is evident in the calls to the CAO helpline, sponsored by the Irish Independent and Eircom.
The helpline is run by the National Parents Council Post Primary (NPCPP) with assistance from the Institute of Guidance Counsellors and the Department of Education.
NPCPP spokeswoman Rose Tully said nearly two-thirds of calls made to the helpline are from parents rather than students. "The proportion of parents who ring up is growing, and in 2007 it was 64pc. Sometimes it would be better if the students rang up to get advice themselves. After all they have to make the decision.''
Rose Tully cited cases of parents sorting out the college choices of their grown-up children when the Leaving Cert results are announced, while the student is away on a sunshine holiday.
"Parents can become much too involved in making decisions about course choices. As a parent, you are there to offer support and give advice, but ultimately it is their choice of career. These are young adults. From the Junior Cert on, it is really up to them to make the decision.''
The helicopter parent is by no means only an Irish problem.
The term "helicopter parenting'' is believed to have been invented by Madeleine Levine, an American psychologist, in the 90s, to refer to a type of overzealous fortysomething parent from the baby boom generation. Levine argued in her book The Price of Privilege: "Kids are unbearably pressured not just to be good, but to be great; not just to be good at something, (but) to be good at everything.''
In Britain and America, these pushy parents are even making their presence felt in universities. A recent article in The Guardian by Dr Paul Redmond, Careers director of the University of Liverpool, highlighted how parents of students at British universities were swarming around third level colleges -- attending open days, admissions interviews, and even university career fairs. According to Redmond, these parents have a close -- in some cases intense -- involvement in their child's development.
"What defines them is a tendency to 'hover' over their offspring, booking their appointments, chaperoning them to events, and swooping down like a personal Swat team whenever the need arises.''
Michael Gleeson, PRO of the Institute of Guidance Counsellors, said helicopter parents can be found hovering at second level. "There is a minority of parents who are over-pushy, and determined to push their child into a particular career.
"We would be concerned that there are some parents who are pushing their children too hard. They are already facing enough pressure at school and perhaps from friends without the additional pressure from parents.
"Part of growing up is being allowed to make your own choices. The problem is that some of these parents are projecting their own ambitions onto their children."
Rose Tully believes pushing students into courses and careers against their wishes is likely to be counter-productive: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.''
IS THE MOBILE TO BLAME?
In America, the popularity of the mobile phone is often blamed for the rise in helicopter parenting.
The phone has frequently been called the "the world's longest umbilical cord'', enabling parents to keep in touch with college students around the clock.
In American colleges it is not uncommon for parents to phone their children each morning to wake them up for lectures, with regular discussions about course work during the day.
Parents also contact lecturers to discuss their child's progress and even to contest grades.
Some mothers and fathers in the US see the term as a badge of pride, wearing T-shirts with the logo "helicopter parent''.
