Absolved online... of all my sins
The internet is a life-saver for many of us, but did you know it can help save your soul too?
Mass attendance figures may have collapsed in parishes around the country, but we sinners need not fear eternal damnation as absolution is but a mere click away.
Online confessional websites with titles like IveScrewedUp.com and MySecret.tv have attracted millions of views, and thousands of posts from guilt-ridden members of the flock hoping to clear their conscience and pay for their sins.
IveScrewedUp, a forum allowing people to post their naughty secrets, is affiliated with the Flamingo Road Church in Florida, which has the stated aim of "partnering with people to reach their God-potential as they connect with God, become like Christ and influence the world".
MySecretTV, an offshoot of LifeChurchTV and a global, pastoral movement called One Prayer, allows online users to comment on and reply to sins posted by others.
The site lists sins under dozens of headings, ranging from adultery, to envy, to smoking hash.
The majority, unsurprisingly, relate to shame and guilt associated with sex.
One man wrote about how he can't stop masturbating to pornography, to which a reader responded: "Pray that you will begin to read the word and meditate on it when the dirty thoughts come up."
In the name of research, I 'confessed' to some theoretical sins of adultery and jealousy, but I'm still waiting for absolution, help or guidance.
The most intriguing -- and speedy -- confessional website is Absolution-Online.com, which states that it is not endorsed by the Church, and that it "makes no claims as to the effectiveness of an online confession, rosary or anything else on this site".
Sins are listed under different categories: the Ten Commandments, the Seven Deadly Sins, Internal Sins (sinful thoughts and gaining pleasure from those thoughts), Physical Sins (sex, that old clincher) and General Sins (covering everything from abortion to astrology to 'excessive consumerism').
I decide to e-confess to murder. The site asks me to assess the degree of seriousness of my crime on a scale of A-E: 'E' being 'self defence' and 'A' being 'pre-meditated and cruel'. I opt for 'A', of course.
My response states: "Consider the implications of what you have done.
"You must take all steps possible to undo what has been done, and make right what you have done wrong."
It also advises that as I broke the law, I must confess to the authorities.
As penance, I am then told to fast for nine days, but that if this is too much to do at once, "it is acceptable to break a fast into smaller sections".
It then warns me that if I am unsure how long it is safe to fast, I should consult a doctor.
But why bother with all that when the very end of my response reads: "I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen".
God may be everywhere, but broadband must be making His job a lot easier.
- Declan Cashin
