SHARON Collins did not see why she should be charged with offences of which, she claimed, she was entirely innocent and said she had been set up.

She made her opinion on this very clear in three lengthy and detailed letters she wrote to Director of Public Prosecutions James Hamilton -- on March 13, April 28 and May 25 2007 -- which suggested that she should not be charged with this "appalling crime" and had claimed that if charges were brought, it would adversely affect her family and merely serve a "media frenzy".

She told Mr Hamilton: "My life is very much in your hands." She had said she was going through a "nightmare beyond belief" and had seriously considered suicide.

In the first letter she wrote: "I can only tell you what I know and I feel that now is the time as I would rather be dead than subject my family -- both my immediate family and extended family -- to the embarrassment of such a case. My life is in a shambles. The idea of being charged is so unbearable to me, I feel I must tell you what I know now. I can't just sit here and do nothing while our lives are torn to shreds.

"My husband/partner [PJ Howard] has been fantastic and has been extremely supportive, but he has been told by the gardai that I have paid money to have him and his sons murdered. He does not believe it. I love PJ dearly. He looks after my every need. We have a great life together. He is fantastic to my two sons ... I would depend my life on him. I need him."

In the letter, she referred to PJ Howard as her "husband", but went on to explain that he was not "actually my husband". She explained how she married Noel Collins at the age of 19 and they had two sons together, Gary and David. They separated when she was 27 and later divorced. She gained custody of the two boys and stayed in the family home in Ennis with them.

She met PJ Howard in November 1998 and she and her two sons had moved into his home that Christmas, where they were to remain permanently. "I didn't take the move lightly. A very short time after we met, PJ asked me if I thought we could make a life together and I had agreed to do so and so the decision was made to stay together. I loved him and still do, very much. He is extremely good to me and I have always been impressed with the way he took in two teenage boys and looked after them. If I am to be honest, though, I would have liked it if marriage was on the cards, however, he made it clear to me that it wasn't," she wrote.

She had said she was "well settled" in his house by the time she had realised how definite PJ was about marriage, "so there was nothing for it, but to accept it and make the most of what was a very good and close, loving relationship -- not without its ups and downs, but certainly not worth throwing away".

Collins explained how PJ's ex-wife, Teresa, had died from a brain haemorrhage in February 2003. She gradually realised she could marry PJ.

"He wasn't too keen, but I told him that I'd always wanted to marry again and that he was the man for me and he agreed to think about it. He pointed out that he wanted his business to go to his boys and I could quite understand this. I would probably feel the same if I was in the position."

She had said the two agreed that it would be vital to have a prenuptial agreement should they marry and, in January 2004, she claimed PJ had proposed to her.

"I was over the moon and so was he. However, this was shortlived, as his solicitor pointed out that a pre- nuptial agreement had no place in Irish law," she said.

Collins had been disappointed and their plans had been put on hold. She said it had been suggested to PJ that they marry in the church only, as she had a church annulment from her previous marriage. Both herself and PJ were happy to take this route and had booked a trip to Rome.

"It was really the church side of marriage that concerned me, if truth be told," she wrote. However, PJ's solicitor had again advised him that even a church marriage could leave him open to a claim on the assets he intended for his sons, should the relationship break up or if he died before her. She said that while PJ wanted to protect his business for his sons, he always looked after her extremely well.

They travelled to Italy in October 2005 and made their vows informally to each other "in a church in Sorrento, promising to stay together and to love one another". The letters written by Collins then moved on to the background to the allegations against her. She wrote how both herself and PJ could be quite "abrasive" and had had rows and disagreements in the past. She said she had confided in someone whom she had trusted, in relation to those disagreements, and she believed this had landed her in the trouble she was facing.

She came into contact with a woman she knew as Maria Marconi on the internet in December 2005. She had registered with a website regarding working from home. She then began to receive emails from other sources asking her to register; one of these greatly interested her.

It was an offer of help from a best-selling author to write a novel. She filled out a form, wrote a short piece about herself and sent it back. Some days later, she received an email from Maria Marconi, who told Collins she had been assigned as her mentor. Marconi told Collins that she had written bestsellers under a nom-de-plume. She said that Marconi had encouraged her to write again about herself and her life in detail. Collins said that while PJ had often encouraged her to write, she had decided not to tell him about Marconi at this stage.

She found herself getting friendly with Marconi quickly and found the writing therapeutic. Collins said that her best friend had become distant from her and, apart from PJ, she hadn't had anyone to confide in. Marconi had become like a pen-pal and she had started to divulge personal information to her.

Around April 2006, Collins said that she and PJ had argued over personal matters relating to their relationship in a very heated exchange. She said she had emailed Marconi that day and said "all sorts of derogatory things" about him, stating that she no longer loved PJ and that she, in fact, hated him. "In my email, I attacked him on every possible level as a man."

Collins said Marconi was very sympathetic to her and the row with PJ blew over. Collins said she put her writing plans on hold for a period of time in 2006 as she and PJ had been in Mallorca. While in Spain, she said that Marconi had phoned her to tell her she would be in Ireland in June and suggested that they meet.

They met in Ennis on June 16 and 17. She allowed Marconi to use a computer at Howard's office in Ennis, where Collins worked as a part-time receptionist, and a laptop at Ballybeg House, the home Collins had shared with Howard.

The following month, July 2006, when Collins had been in Spain, Marconi had emailed her to say that her home (Marconi's) had been broken into and her laptop stolen. Another email told her that for €100,000, her husband would be killed and she would be "free and rich".

"I was abhorred [sic]," she wrote. "There were a number of these. I emailed Maria and told her about these messages. I wondered how someone could know my details or that of my husband. There was more than just the offer to kill my husband, there was an offer to kill his sons too. Then there were threats to kill my sons, or PJ and his sons, if I did not pay. There were lots of these messages. I was very frightened by it." She said PJ was laid up after a fall and she didn't want to upset him by telling him about the emails.

Collins claimed she had returned home to Ennis, where she had received an email stating that she should send €20,000 to prevent an attachment being sent to PJ. That document, she said, was the letter she had sent to Marconi that April, criticising PJ. She said she had "nearly died of shock" when she read the attachment. She said the email had stated that when PJ would see it, he might pay the sender to kill her. Around that time, she said she had received several unidentified phone calls and each time she had answered, a male voice spoke.

She then received several phone calls, asking if she had the money. She said it was vital to her that PJ did not see what she had written and after much distress, she had decided to send the money. She had withdrawn €13,000 from her AIB bank account and €2,000 from the Credit Union and sent it via FedEx to an address in Las Vegas that she had been sent. She said when she had made the booking with FedEx, she had used the surname Howard, but had written a different Christian name. She received a tracking number for the package.

The next day she went to Spain feeling relief, distress and guilt. She hoped it was over, but feared there might be further demands. She said that she had begun to receive more phone calls from a private number and had heard a similar voice to before.

Around September 19, Collins said she had received an email saying, "You stupid, f***ing bitch. Why don't you answer your calls? Did you think that €15,000 would get rid of me? You better think again and get more cash fast." She said that she didn't reply to it. She then got another one, telling her that her husband would be furnished with the material that she had written about him and he would be told that she had paid €15,000 to have him killed. She said she replied to this email, stating that she had told her husband about the original threats and had told him about the contents of her letter. She said that she had also made Marconi aware of what was happening. She did not receive any emails from "blackmailers" after that.

She said that when the office had been broken into in September 2006, she and PJ had been in Spain. She didn't connect the break-in with the emails, but when Robert had been threatened the following day, "alarm bells went off in my head". She said she went to an internet cafe to contact Marconi, but found that all her emails and contacts had been deleted.

She said that her password for her eircom.net account was saved on the computer in the office and she assumed that her emails had been deleted during or after the burglary. She never heard from Maria Marconi after that.

IN April, Collins wrote her second letter to the DPP. She said she had felt "compelled" to write, after an article was published in that day's Daily Star which said a "rich wife" had hired someone to poison her husband and that traces of a toxic substance had been found on the personal items of a foreign national.

She said that she had flown in to Dublin from Spain the previous evening and PJ had driven up from Ennis to meet her: "We were trying to give each other some comfort about the dreadful situation we are in. We were hoping that the week might bring some good news and planning for him to join me in Spain. Then PJ got a telephone call regarding the article and he rang one of the investigating gardai who confirmed that it was related to their investigation and that he was to meet with them this evening ... PJ rang me after speaking to the gardai and the situation looks extremely serious. He said that the gardai are adamant that I am involved in hiring this man to kill him and his sons, Robert and Niall. Apparently, he had an extremely toxic substance and they told him that he had enough to kill thousands. It said in the Star that it was a substance called ricin. I can only say to you, I have never heard of such a thing before. I am abhorred by it.

"I explained to you in my previous letter how I was threatened and blackmailed and how I paid €15,000 to stop the threats, but the idea that this could finance someone who would travel with a substance like this, sickens me to the pit of my stomach."

She stated that she believed the whole thing had happened for one of two reasons: "Firstly, I thought it was some kind of a scam, that I was fool enough to leave myself open to, and someone thought I was an easy target and had access to money, believing that I was actually married to PJ.

"Recently, I have been thinking that there's more to it than that and that someone thought they had had something to gain -- or not lose -- by setting me up in this way, by discrediting me in this way and, perhaps, had hired someone to frame me. This was a theory that only began to dawn on me in the past few weeks, and I have very strong suspicions regarding it, but I can't be sure, and therefore will not accuse anyone, as I know I could be completely wrong. I know what it's like to be accused in the wrong and I wouldn't wish it on another soul.

"All along, I didn't think that anyone had any intention of killing anybody and I told myself it would all come to light, but now, it turns out this man, Eid, actually did have serious means of killing someone. Terrifying stuff, and, even more terrifying to me is that the gardai believe that I employed him to use it on PJ and, worse still now, that I feel that maybe I could have prevented it, if I had gone to the gardai as soon as the threats began.

"I read in the paper that he threw the substance away, but thankfully, no one was affected by it. I'm finding it so difficult to get my head around this. Really, then, was it my fault for divulging details of our lives to Marconi or maybe for my stupid vanity, in thinking that I could actually write a novel, and was I the catalyst then that drew a dangerous person like that into the country? If I was, then I'll be forever sorry, but to be accused of hiring this person to kill three people whom I care for, my God, there is just no way."

Collins wrote that she was worried about PJ's health as he had had chest pains and pain in his left arm:

"His solicitor, Michael Houlihan, and his sons have been putting him under enormous pressure to cut his ties with me. His solicitor even told him that he would stop representing him if he continued his relationship with me and Robert and Niall have argued with him several times. He told me that he never thought his sons would fall out with him until now. I can't allow this to happen to him. He has been so, so good to me and my boys for all these years. I have asked a friend if I can stay with her for the time being when I go home, to try to alleviate the stress for PJ and I have told him so.

"If I am charged in relation to any of this, he will need his sons for support, as I don't think I would be able to stay and look after him then anyway." She said that herself and PJ loved each other deeply and were "as happy as Larry" together. They were never getting on as well "when all this happened".

"You are the only person who can decide if our lives are to be destroyed or not," she wrote to the DPP. "I know what I did -- I was an ass for giving away information about myself and those around me and I was an even bigger one for allowing myself to be blackmailed and for paying a blackmailer. This is what I did and it was 100 per cent stupidity and I am guilty of that and am most certainly paying the price of that stupidity.

"Apart from that, I have lived my life to the best of my ability. I am family orientated, maternal and, PJ tells me, quite domesticated. I am out-spoken, direct and can be a bit abrasive, but I am very soft behind it and feel very deeply for people. I also have very definite views on crime and, dare I say it, believe that the death penalty should have its place in certain circumstances -- but perhaps I should change my mind about that now given the present situation I find myself in.

"So, Mr Hamilton, if you were me, what would you do? I admit I have seriously considered suicide... it would save my family all the embarrassment and stigma of being associated with me, if I were charged and it would stop the not knowing. I would have something to leave my boys and I have three rented properties that are mortgaged to the hilt but are covered by life assurance policies.

"I wouldn't have to face the prospect of a very high-profile trial... that, too, would save PJ on many different levels and I would like to do that for him. We all die sometime, so why not now for me? I've recently had a mammogram done that shows a small mass on one breast and the doctor wants me to undergo further examination -- he says it's probably non-malignant -- but what if it isn't? That could get me anyway. So, I've certainly thought why not take this option. This is all way too much for any one person to bear and I'm not sure I'm strong enough.

"The only problem here is, I didn't do this thing -- and if I take this option, I won't be able to defend myself and my good name and my family will have to live with the stigma anyway. The spiritual implications weigh heavily on me too, should I take this option."

She said that alternatively, if charged, she could "fight" it.

"I have very strong suspicions these days as to who could be behind this and I could point this out -- it's a theory that makes a lot of sense to me, but I could be wrong. Anyway, hopefully I'd be found not guilty, but what kind of life would be left for everyone after that? I can't bear to imagine what would happen if I was to be found guilty. This would destroy my family completely ...

"I did not hire anyone to kill PJ, Robert and Niall. I did not hire anyone, full stop."

She said she would give anything to be able to help gardai find the truth and was extremely alarmed to hear that "this man had a substance that could have killed people."

Collins noted that she was in danger of sounding as if she were protesting too much, but she was "very much at breaking point at this stage".

"I have never experienced such depths of despair in my life. I am by no means a saint, but I am not a bad person. I am not a dangerous person," she said. "I believe that charging me with this horrendous crime will only serve to feed a media frenzy and will probably not get to the bottom of what really happened and if it does, too much damage will have been done to innocent parties, namely, myself, PJ and my family. As it stands, miraculously, no one has been injured, thank God, and any hurt that does exist is not physical and can be healed with time... Life is just too short for it to be wasted with this kind of thing and if I only knew what to do or say to help get to the bottom of it, I would, in a heartbeat ...

"Lastly, Mr Hamilton, I want to ask you to please not have me charged in relation to this matter. Please let us get on with our lives. They are ordinary lives, but we were happy in them and could be happy again. I have told the truth about everything I know and I pray that you will see that. The lives and happiness of many people are in your hands."

Extracted from 'Lying Eyes and The Hitman for Hire' by Emer Connolly (Gill and Macmillan, €10.99)

- Emer Connolly