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Sunday 21 September 2014

10 Stereotype Dads You Probably Know

Alpha Dad: Will be sending kids to the best fee-paying school as soon as they get out of this substandard primary.
Father and son embracing at school
Father and son embracing at school

Last week we shone a light on some of the stereotypical mums you might find in Ireland - so you didn't really think the guys would escape, did you? Here are our top 10 stereotype dads at your school gate. Recognise anyone?

1. Reluctant Stay-at-Home Dad

He’s there every day, but he’s not happy about it. Keep a wide berth or you will have to listen to how hard it is to be him and you’ll end up minding his kids while he goes for a nap.

 

2.  DIY Dad

Wears a timing belt around his trousers and farts nails. Pen always stuck behind ear and constantly infuriatingly whistling under his breath.  Was told at school that he’d come to nothing and now lives in the biggest house in town. Which he built himself.

 

3. Hipster Dad

Previously known as Trendy Dad, before it became untrendy to be trendy. Drowns out the noise of his kids with large headphones. His uniform of jeans, t-shirt, and Converse is never to be messed with. Just don't mention his bald patch.

 

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4.  Doting Dad

Went to every antenatal class with his darling wife and gave up alcohol for the duration of the pregnancy in sympathy. Talks about little Matilda constantly and shares how advanced she is for her age with anyone who is unlucky enough to make eye contact.

 

 

5. Alpha Dad

Will be sending James and Jilly to the best fee-paying school in the county as soon as they get out of this substandard local primary. What is the matter with all the teachers anyway? Since when do art and fun matter in education? And don’t talk to him about all those non-English speakers who are wasting his children's precious resources. Fortunately, only brings his fat belly to the gate when the Spanish au pair quits in disgust.

 

6. "I’m not a Dad" Dad

Ah, no, sure, I’m not a Dad. I just happened to be passing by. It’s a school you say? Oh, I didn’t know that. The child waving to me and calling, "Goodbye, Daddy"? Never seen him before in my life.

 

7. Enthusiastic Dad

Like an overexcited puppy on speed. Try to high-five me and I’ll stab you with a pencil.

8. Mammy’s Boy

Now don’t tell Mammy he’s doing the drop-off again. Sure she knew that Sinead one was nothing but a lazy lardass the minute her precious Brian first brought her home. Doesn’t deserve him of course, he could have done so much better. But would anyone listen to Mammy? Oh no, and now look at him. Picking up and dropping off like his balls were part of the ill-fated  wedding package.

 

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9.   Triathlon Dad

Rocks up to the school gate with one kid on the handlebar of his very expensive bike and the other riding behind.  Wears reflective Oakley sports shades and little else. You try to avert your gaze but... The. Shorts. Are. Just. Too. Tight….

Shit. He caught you.

 

 

 

10 .  Dad You Secretly Fancy

 

Only turns up when you forgot to set the alarm and had to do the school run with your pajamas on under your jeans.

 

Of course, if you are reading this and are male, you are none of these, you are No. 11 - Perfect Dad.

 

This blogpost originally appeared on parent.ie

 

Parent.ie is a new take on parenting websites, covering a wide range of topics relevant to real Irish parents and the highs and lows of raising children in 21st century Ireland.  Find them also on Twitter and Facebook.

 

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