Friday 30 September 2016

When maggots will start to earn their keep

Published 18/05/2015 | 02:30

In the eighty million weight loss attempts I have undertaken I have never struggled too much in the beginning. I start out all gung-ho, full of conviction and determination that This Is It. Then I starve too much, overdo the exercise, get some class of a sprain, feel light-headed or just feel overwhelmed by the feelings of deprivation and give up. This usually happens somewhere around the point where I start to notice that I've lost a bit of weight. Which is where I am now. I braved the scales and was amazed, like seriously, properly shocked, to discover I had lost thirteen pounds in under four weeks. How much shit was I eating????

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I am also at the weight at which I tend to plateau, self-sabotage notwithstanding. It seems to be the set point at which my body (very erroneously) thinks below which I am starving so it clings fervently to every ounce, no matter how much bad stuff I don't eat or how many miles I trot.

These treacherous points also happened to coincide with a bereavement that called for a weekend trip and an inevitable derailment of my healthy living regime. It's also a bit hard to listen to half an hour's hypnosis twice a day when you are driving and in company. I feel that thus far the hypnosis has been really helpful in changing how I feel about weight loss and how I feel about triggers, hunger and about certain food. But I also feel that this week will be a true test of its power. Because this is where I always fall off the wagon for about forty different reasons.

It will also be a test of its power because I got back to a house full of sweets and biscuits and cakes. I've been managing the grocery shopping with an iron claw, refusing to let anyone else do it and cutting the confectionery aisle out of our lives. In my absence that self same confectionery aisle, in its entirety, seems to have been transplanted into the kitchen. It was with some relief that I felt a wave of mild nausea at the sight of a battenburg. But I am under no illusion, this will be a testing week.

Sunday Independent

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