Saturday 21 October 2017

Weekipedia: Let's have 'Fifty Shades' of Golf - with whips

Jamie Dornan
Jamie Dornan
Kim Bielenberg

Kim Bielenberg

Judging by the trailer, we'd rather be flogged than go to that over-hyped mummy porn bondage movie Fifty Shades of Grey.

We prefer the more mature Twitter account, Fifty Shades of Gran: "She sat there squirming, her legs bound together and her hands tied behind her back. She never could get the hang of knitting."

The star of the real 50 Shades, Jamie Dornan (right) has confessed: "If someone wants to get spanked with a studded paddle while they have a gag in their mouth that's their choice. That's fine. I like golf."

Or how about a changing the rules so golfers are whipped after every hole? That would certainly liven up a game that can have its longueurs.

The Stephen Fry Meaning of Life interview, where he denounced God, was another scoop for Gaybo. But was it fair of RTÉ? We have already lodged a complaint with the Broadcasting Authority of Ireland after RTÉ failed to seek a response from a spokesman for God.

HEADLINE OF THE WEEK

Woman blows up toilet trying to kill cockroach - Metro

 

GOOD WEEK

WATER CUSTOMERS

When is a deadline not a deadline?  When the Government is asking people to register for water bills. Householders were meant to register on Monday, but Labour party senator Lorraine Higgins said it was not a “drop dead deadline”.

Mind you, it still could be a “drop dead” election for Labour

STAND-UP GERMANS

A court in Germany has ruled in favour of a man’s right to urinate while standing up. In a case in Düsseldorf, a landlord demanded money for damage to a bathroom floor. The judge ruled that the man’s method was “within cultural norms”.

He’s taking the. . .

 

BAD WEEK

THE LOTTO

The National Lottery was forced to postpone its draw for the first time in its history after a major technology glitch. Over 3,000 shops had trouble with the ticket system.

No, we can’t confirm that they got it going by turning it off and turning it on again?

YANIS VAROUFAKIS

The casually-attired Greek Finance Minister (left) toured capitals trying to drum up support for Greek debt forgiveness, but he appeared to get nowhere fast. In Germany he was asked: “What problems do you have with the EU/IMF programme?”

He paused and replied: “I could go on forever. . .”  And he did.

 

TWITTEIRE

Charlie, the drama about Haughey, had social media all in a state about the Boss.

@DustinOfficial

#Charlie is like one very long CrimeCall reconstruction. . . but without the budget.

The Fifa footballer of the year awards always cause a stir and not just because of Stephanie Roche

@Pundamentalism

David Luiz has made it into the Fifa team of the year. If they're not careful, people will start to think they're corrupt.

Rachels were excited about their name been given to a storm, but is the name really that stormy?

@rachel_hosie

Loving all my fellow Rachels out there sharing the excitement about #StormRachel. WE ARE A STORM! A force to be reckoned with. Go, Rachels!

In these dark stormy days of January we are always happy to pass on self-help tips

@SarcasmPage

Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.

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