Top Five... The Best of Brazil
As Daniella Moyles travels to Carnival in Brazil, we take a look at some of the best things the Brazilians have given the world
1 GISELE BUNDCHEN
Supermodel Gisele was discovered by a modelling scout while on a school trip at the age of 14. Isn't that great? No it's creepy, says you, cancelling your daughter's school tours until she reaches the age of 54. Recently retired, Gisele might have to return to the catwalk to make a bit of cash. Her American-football-superstar husband, Tom Brady, is caught up in a scandal dubbed Deflategate. Officials claim they have evidence he prefers to play with soft balls. I don't know what you're laughing at.
Pele himself is unsure of how he got his nickname. One theory is that he got it from an Irish missionary priest who noted, as gaeilge, that he was ag imirt peile. Isn't it nice all the same to hear a story about an Irish missionary priest and a little boy that doesn't make you want to pretend you're Scottish? Pele himself went on to front a number of campaigns about erectile dysfunction. Not that it affected him personally. He was always good at keepy-uppy. Sorry.
3 THE BRAZILIAN
A note to the person who picks the photos for this piece. Good luck! Anyway, apparently it all started in 1987, when seven sisters from Brazil started to offer the 'Brazilian wax' in their Manhattan salon. New York women were left screaming in agony. When they saw the bill. The treatment was soon in demand, from Greenland to Australia. Of course, they have always been into personal-grooming trends down under. Ah, stop.
4 RIO CARNIVAL
Where else can you see semi-naked women strut down the main thoroughfare in their thousands? Junior Cert results night, says you, picking up the phone to ring Joe Duffy. It's fair to say the Rio Carnival is far more influential than your classic St Patrick's Day parade. That makes sense, really. "Do you know what we're missing? A lorry load of miserable-looking factory workers waving at people in the rain," said no parade organiser, ever.
Brazil is the largest coffee producer in the world. There's only one word for that. Thanks. Coffee has had some journey here in Ireland. Twenty years ago, it was something you made out of a jar and gave to someone after 14 pints, so that they could drive home. Now, it has to be a flat white. That's hipster cafe-speak for 'We don't really know how to make a cappuccino, but you'll still give us €4.50 for one of these because you have low self-esteem'.