People are talking: Cheryl pregnant? Does anyone actually care?
Published 17/10/2016 | 02:30
Has there ever been a woman in England, apart from the first three unfortunate wives of Henry VIII, who has had her womb so constantly and publicly scrutinised as Cheryl Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Versini? Back in Tudor times there was some excuse - Henry needed to establish a dynasty, but Cheryl, to the best of our knowledge, is only looking to secure a record deal.
(She'll probably be about as lucky as Henry was with his quest for healthy male heirs.)
Why the constant bump-watch?
Does anybody, apart from toy boy Liam Payne's Mammy, really care if Cheryl of the many surnames is with child?
The 23-year-old One Directioner recently changed his Twitter bio to "luckiest man in the world".
Ooh having a girlfriend (possibly pregnant) who is 10 years your senior and a washed-up reality star, aim high Liam, aim high.
The Budget boys are hoping that voters are a cheap date
If pensioners got such a great deal in the Budget, why is Enda Kenny so reluctant to become one?
Instead the Taoiseach is vowing to go on and on - just like Margaret Thatcher did, right before she was kicked out by her own party.
To be fair, all Enda's reportedly said is that he will be standing again in his Mayo constituency at the next election, and that could be any day now, since Fine Gael and Fianna Fail both seem to think the people just can't wait to reward them at the ballot box for that extra fiver a week.
They must be hoping voters spend it on some cheap booze and get so drunk they forget everything since 1997.
Of course, the Finance Minister can't win. He was criticised by some for giving away too little and by others for giving away so much to first time home buyers that he risks kicking off another housing boom. Though, be honest, we were all happier back in those days. It would be nice to have them back again, if only for a little while.
This week's real loser was Aoibhinn Kenny, who was favourite to be FG's pick as new TD for Mayo if Enda did step down. Not that this fact had anything to do with being his daughter, obviously. Perish the thought.
Sharon gets into high spirits
It's always a tough call when someone accusingly wonders if you're drunk and you have a choice between a) conceding, yes you might have had a drink or two but "drunk" is too strong a word, and b) acting outraged. Sharon Osbourne seemed to take the latter route this past week after she appeared a little "animated" on The X Factor - getting the name of a co-host and a contestant wrong, missing some of her cues, and asking a Scottish contestant to say "Och aye the noo" which would be like asking you to say "Top of the mornin'". On the one hand it should gladden the heart that Sharon, with all her surgery, can still animate any facial expression (She once wrote: "There's not much I haven't had tweaked, stretched, peeled, lasered, veneered, enhanced or removed altogether.") It's nice she's in a good mood, even as all of the Ozzy stuff unfolds - they've put his cheating behind him and he's reportedly signed up for sex addiction therapy. Sharon's the rambunctious type and doesn't need substances to get her going. Still, we did get a laugh out of Dermot O'Leary's dig that her antics were down to high spirits: "whiskey, gin and vodka".
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