Monday 1 May 2017

Mom's challenges in the modern world

'Mammy thought the jam was one of your five a day'
'Mammy thought the jam was one of your five a day'
Busy mom
Career mom
Social mom
Healthy mom

Pat Fitzpatrick

Mother's Day has come around again, so it's time for our reporter to list some of the challenges faced by Mammy 2.0, aka the modern-day mom

1 Call me Mom

You're not seriously allowing your children to call you Mammy or Mummy. They'll end up getting mocked at school. Your name is Mom. Mammy is the person who says, "The price of petrol is creeping up again", when you're passing a petrol station. Mom knows why it is creeping up. Mammy thought that jam was one of your five-a-day. (Two if it was a blended jam, like fruit of the forest.) Mom starts crying when someone says the word sugar. So get with the programme. You are Mom.

2 Busy Mom

Those calendars you get in the bank aren't remotely suitable for modern living. And not just because a nice picture of the Cliffs of Moher doesn't make up for the fact that the same bank tried to screw you out of your tracker mortgage. Mom needs a decent calendar app on her phone. Otherwise it's impossible to juggle the gym, dropping the kids to Chinese lessons and meeting her friends for coffee, to chat about how hard it is find time for herself.

3 Career Mom

It's hard to juggle parenting with your career. Unless you're a professional juggler, but the money in that is weather dependent. Working Mom knows two things for certain. Her husband has an app that switches off his phone when one of the kids gets sick and needs to be picked up from school. And her mother has a look on her face that says, "If you married better, you wouldn't have to bother with work". Mammy. She's a fright.

4 Social Mom

Mom is very worried about the amount of time her kids spend online. She even shared a hysterical article about this on Facebook. Her post got 47 likes and 12 angry faces from other moms, also worried about the effects of social media. And they said irony died when Donald Trump got elected. Mom will tell you she is only on Facebook to keep an eye on her daughter. Her daughter will tell you this is pointless, via Snapchat. #Facebook. #Foroldpeople.

5 Healthy Mom

Who cares if your kids are walking into walls with the exhaustion? The important thing is they are thinner than your sister's kids, who aren't on the Atkins Diet. Healthy Mom tells her kids the drive-thru McDonald's they're passing is a punishment unit for kids who start asking questions about salt. Such as, "How come there is a McDonald's salt sachet by the gear lever, Mom?" Dammit. And you made such an effort to get the smell out of the car.

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