I'm fed up of celebrities going on about their wobbly bits
The capacity for women to loathe the bodies they have astounds me, writes Bryony Gordon.
Here's what makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out with a rusty spoon: a celebrity in a size four Lycra frock who has twice been voted the most perfect, beautiful, va-va-voom woman in the world giving an interview in which she speaks of her body woes. "I'm just like everyone else really," she trills. "I have my down days. I mean, I can't stand my earlobes, and my left kneecap has a scar on it from the time I climbed Everest for charity, but I try and tell myself that even those scars, those flaws, can be beautiful…"
No glossy magazine interview is complete without a starlet complaining about her body issues. Jennifer Aniston recently said her bottom was too big, and Cheryl Cole once said that her bottom was too small. Uma Thurman can't stand her big feet. Angelina Jolie has moaned that she feels her lips "take over my face". Do these women think it's endearing? If they put themselves in our size 14 jeans, they would see that it just makes us want to smack them in their perfect faces.
The capacity for women to loathe the bodies they have astounds me. A survey by American Glamour magazine found that 97 per cent of readers had negative thoughts about their body every day. I wasn't surprised. This is a bit like the Economist revealing that the majority of its readers are interested in current affairs.
At a dinner party last month, a female guest started asking all the other women which part of their body they disliked the most. I was about to say, "my tummy" when I realised that it was nobody's business and that, furthermore, I didn't actually hate my tummy; I had just been conditioned to think that I did. So I said as much. My fellow guests looked at me is if I were a deluded egomaniac on a par with Colonel Gaddafi.
On the way home, my male companion turned to me and said sarcastically that it was lovely to have been able to turn up with "Kate bloody Winslet" as a date. How strange, I thought, that having a tiny sense of self-worth marks you out nowadays as some sort of Hollywood diva.