Thursday 5 March 2015

'Til death do us part: Top tips for keeping your relationship alive

Nel Staveley

Published 29/08/2014 | 00:00

'Til death do us part: Top tips for keeping your relationship alive
'Til death do us part: Top tips for keeping your relationship alive

We all know that one in three marriages fail, but new stats have revealed that over half the people who get divorced regret it.

The wedding season is coming to an end, and so too, at some point, will nearly half of those now seemingly perfect, happy marriages.

Yes, we all know the divorce statistics are undeniably depressing.

But thankfully, a new survey, commissioned for the DVD release of The Love Punch, hints at slightly better news: 54% of divorcees said they regretted ending their marriage.

OK, it's not entirely good news - that does mean a lot of people living with the poisonous burden of regret. But, it also means that for all the inevitable trials, tribulations and unpicked-up-wet-towels of marriage, it's generally worth battling through, and (as number six on the reasons for regretting divorce list shows) the 'grass is not always greener' on the post-divorce side.

But just how do you make relationships stand the test of time?

COMPROMISE

Everyone likes to be right, but there's a time and a place to admit that, sometimes, you're wrong. And a marriage is it. Research from Baylor University, Texas, earlier this year found that one of the keys to a successful relationship is relinquishing some of the 'power' in the relationship to the other person, namely being willing to compromise.

BE TOGETHER

'Those who play together stay together'. Those sayings which become cliches, generally become cliches for a reason. A study of 1,000 married Americans listed having three shared hobbies and interests as one of the top requirements for romantic bliss.

BE APART

The Love Punch survey showed that not everyone who approached divorce actually went through with it, and 94% of those believed the time apart during their break-up helped to save their relationship. Just because you're married to each other doesn't mean you have to become each other. While spending time together is clearly very important, it's just as important to ensure you spend time on your own, with your own friends, pursuing your own interests.

DON'T FORGET THE SMALL STUFF

Whatever the films might try to tell us, most of us aren't that fussed by grand, sweeping gestures of love. We like little ones instead. In fact, according to an Open University study, the everyday acts of kindness - think making a cup of tea or sacrificing the crispiest roast potato - are more important to a lasting marriage than the acts of romantic largesse, such as overpriced dinners or expensive handbags (though they can be nice sometimes, too!).

NEVER GO TO SLEEP ON A ROW

A recent survey by Two Together Railcard, proved that saying 'I love you' before bed was the second most important secret to happiness in a relationship. Not convinced by a train survey giving tips on love? Perhaps you'll be more convinced by Wilfred and Ivy Turberville, the longest-married couple in Britain, who recently revealed "never going to bed on a quarrel" was why they'd remained together for 80 years.

MOVE TO WORCESTER

Worcester is the most loved-up spot in the country, apparently (we're back on the slightly tenuous rail romance survey), with 100% of those questioned saying they had at least one date night a month. Don't fancy relocating to the West Midlands? That's fine, you can still heed their advice, and make sure you and your husband/wife have regular 'date nights'. They don't have to be fancy, they don't have to be expensive; they just have to be the two of you, taking time to reconnect and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.

MAKE IT WORK

Sara Davison, divorce coach at www.saradavison.com, has this advice for making things work, and when to give up:

 

TOP REASONS FOR REGRETTING DIVORCE

1. Missing an ex-partner

2. Feeling like a failure

3. Still being in love with an ex-partner

4. Realising they were being unreasonable

5. Feeling lonely

6. Discovering the grass isn't always greener

7. An ex-partner finding someone new

8. Realising they are not better off on their own

9. Damaging the relationship with their children

10. Children's lives being affected

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