Saturday 20 December 2014

Bystanders must realise crucial role they can play in stopping the bullies

Andrew Jackson

Published 26/02/2014 | 02:30

ISPCC Ambassador Brian O'Driscoll with Chelsie Flood, Thomas Daly and Josh Cleary from Talbot Senior School, Bawnogue, Clondalkin
ISPCC Ambassador Brian O'Driscoll with Chelsie Flood, Thomas Daly and Josh Cleary from Talbot Senior School, Bawnogue, Clondalkin

Bullying can happen to anybody at any age. It can happen in a variety of places, in school, on the way to and from school, in your neighbourhood or even at home on your phone, table or computer.

When bullying happens it is often ignored by those around us, and when this happens the behaviour goes unchallenged. But bullying can be stopped, and we all have a role to ensure that it does.

Within any bullying situation there is the bully, the victim and the bystander. While it may seem obvious and appropriate to focus our work and support on the bully and the victim, it is the bystander who can greatly influence the direction of what happens.

Some bystanders can instigate the bullying by prodding the bully to begin. Other bystanders encourage the bullying by laughing, cheering, or making comments that further stimulate the bully.

But most bystanders passively accept bullying by watching and doing nothing, providing the audience a bully craves and the silent acceptance that allows bullies to continue their hurtful behaviour.

Perhaps the arena where bystanders are most prevalent is the cyber world. But just because we are not in the direct physical presence of the bullying situation does not mean we cannot do something about it.

Bystanders have the power to play a key role in preventing or stopping bullying. Some directly intervene by discouraging the bully, defending the victim, or redirecting the situation away from bullying. This can be a very difficult thing to do and takes courage, and the bystander must feel a level of support from others to do this.

Other bystanders get help, by rallying support from peers to stand up against bullying or by reporting the bullying to a trusted adult, all of which helps to bring bullying to a stop.

But why doesn't this happen more? What stops bystanders from intervening? Ask any child and they are likely to tell you the same reasons:

* The fear factor – of either getting hurt or becoming a victim themselves.

* The fear of retribution.

* They're not sure what to do or what to say.

* It's none of my business.

* They don't want to draw attention to themselves.

* They think telling an adult won't help or might make things worse.

It is important to empower children to feel confident that they can become helpful bystanders.

Parents need to talk to their kids and discuss the different ways they can have a positive impact in another person's life. Children need to know they will be supported by adults and this will make their proactive bystander's role easier.

We must also make children aware that it is never wrong to let somebody know if they or another person is being bullied. This is not telling tales or trying to get somebody into trouble. It is being responsible and getting a hurtful situation to stop.

Andrew Jackson is national anti-bullying co-ordinator with the Irish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (ISPCC). The annual anti-bullying ISPCC shield campaign will run throughout March.

Irish Independent

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