Man admits he felt relieved following the death of his twin: ‘It gave me something I had always craved - a sense of individualism’
Published 16/03/2016 | 10:52
An Australian man has admitted he felt “liberated” when his twin brother died and admitted he felt a sense of individualism for the first time in his life following his death.
Michael Cameron (23) revealed that it is difficult to be a twin as siblings lose their sense of worth and accomplishment and said the relationship between twins is unhealthy.
Michael’s brother David took his own life when the pair were 16 and he admitted he felt conflicted between his feelings of grief but also relief.
On an upcoming episode of SBS Insight in Australia, Michael said: “All this is extremely unhealthy when you’re an adolescent trying to figure out who you are. It seriously complicates that process of becoming your own person.
“I have found positives in the death of my brother. It gave me something I had never had before and always craved - a sense of individualism,” he said.
“It forced others but also me to see myself as my own man. Unexpected surges of relief would hit me for the next few months after his death and I was not sure why.”
The then teenager admitted he felt guilty and wrong to feel relieved following David’s death in the subsequent years.
“While this is all extremely pessimistic, make no mistake - losing this person is even more unhealthy. You lose so much of what you are and are left disorientated,” he said.
“I felt guilty to no end. The shame of that feeling was unspeakable and I could not even admit its existence to myself, let alone to anyone else.”
Michael revealed that he has embraced no longer being “two of a kind” and over the years has accepted his feelings following his brother’s passing.
“I now feel unrestrained to do as I please without fear of copying or being copied, without that crushing feeling that I am no more than two of a kind, without that feeling that my actions and thoughts, my whole being, are entirely restricted and pre-destined to what my genetics determine them to be.
“I make no amends for how I feel. I do not wish to be the most bereaved person in the room or to justify to the world why my insides aren’t dark and depressed 100 per cent of the time,” he said.
The episode will air on SBS in Australia on March 22