Life Family Features

Thursday 2 October 2014

How to make sure you keep hold of your independence

It’s all well and good to declare yourself independent but here’s some advice on how to go about it.

Sue Conley

Published 02/07/2014 | 17:16

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It’s all well and good to declare yourself independent but here’s some advice on how to go about it.

It’s all well and good to declare yourself independent but here’s some advice on how to go about it.

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Talk to someone

You can do some of the work on your own, but a good way to learn interdependence is to seek out the help of a professional.

Working with a therapist will help you learn to mirror good relationship practice, and to have someone neutral to talk to.

 

Release the past

A huge part of being codependent is, sadly, feeling victimised: there’s nothing worse than doing your utmost for someone who actually resents you. Your coping mechanisms are out of whack and it’s time to learn new ways of dealing with life’s challenges. You can do it!

 

You’re not alone

One of the ironies of working on your self-esteem can be the feeling that you’re the only one who’s ever had problems with boundaries and trying too hard in relationships, which makes you feel worse.

Support groups such as Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) can help you feel less isolated and provide you with the network you need to help you make those positive changes.

 

Step Back

Detaching may be the hardest thing of all for a codependent person to do.

Let your loved ones make their own choices. Work on not interfering with those choices, and not rushing in to mitigate the consequences.

 

Keep the focus on yourself

It may be that many of your hopes and dreams have fallen by the wayside, due to your worry and over-involvement with your significant other.

Pick one thing that you’ve always wanted to do — and do it! This helps enormously with being able to detach, and goes back to that thing about having interests outside of the relationship.

 

Get Healthy

In healing your spirit, you need to be physically well in yourself.

Eat right (for your own blood type), get enough sleep and take exercise. Seriously, there is nothing like a good endorphin rush to make you feel strong, secure and able for anything.

 

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