Saturday 1 October 2016

A week of dog vomit and maggots is more than enough. Week four, half way, I have been good, really good, a bleeding saint. I plead Mercy and Mary takes mercy. That was the worst week she promises, unless I relapse, offering me a gentler weight loss CD and one that combats stress. You don't have to be winched out of your bedroom to be classed as a compulsive eater, you just have to be someone who is fat, hates being fat and does nothing about it. While the stress CD urges me to love myself, forgive myself and become more confident, the weight one is to switch off triggers that make me use food to deal with unwanted emotions. To do something healthy instead of self-flagellating with giant Dairy Milks.

Published 11/05/2015 | 02:30

A week of dog vomit and maggots is more than enough. Week four, half way, I have been good, really good, a bleeding saint. I plead Mercy and Mary takes mercy. That was the worst week she promises, unless I relapse, offering me a gentler weight loss CD and one that combats stress. You don't have to be winched out of your bedroom to be classed as a compulsive eater, you just have to be someone who is fat, hates being fat and does nothing about it. While the stress CD urges me to love myself, forgive myself and become more confident, the weight one is to switch off triggers that make me use food to deal with unwanted emotions. To do something healthy instead of self-flagellating with giant Dairy Milks.

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There were some unwanted emotions. Whether it was a question of recognising them better or of having them surge because I wasn't using food to block them I don't know. But, instead of eating I ran. My brother, who took up running one recent January and completed the marathon the following October so may know a thing or two suggested I stop arsing around with the bits of running and stick 'em together to make a 5K. So I did, with just one pee break. He says pee breaks aren't allowed. I pleaded fat ould one and post traumatic stress of the pelvic floor. He looked disgusted and told me to shut it and run. So I did. I ran from the maggots and dog vomit. I felt liberated from a bad habit, 600 calories and that particular excuse for self-loathing.

According to the scales I lost 7 pounds between Monday morning and Friday afternoon. Which is not really possible so suggests that the scales are bogey. But precise poundage aside, there is defo a bit less of me.

Sunday Independent

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