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Tuesday 25 October 2016

The Irish Americans: the Yanks we have adopted - from Brucie to Des Bishop

Pat Fitzpatrick

Published 11/07/2016 | 02:30

The Boss: Bruce Springsteen.
The Boss: Bruce Springsteen.
Saoirse Ronan.
Garth Brooks.
Des Bishop.

As Sarah Caden talks to US model Brittany Mason, who has settled here, we have a look at other Yanks we have adopted.

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There's a darkness on the edge of town. It isn't just one of Bruce's most famous lyrics. It's the way we felt after Enda Kenny's dad-dancing ruined our image of Bruce forever. If you told Enda there's a darkness on the edge of town, he would contact someone in the council to fix the lights. And what do you think of the people down on their luck in Atlantic City, Enda? I think it isn't just Galway, says he, there are problems in Mayo too. Enda. He should keep away from d'auld rock and roll.


Des must be the only person to speak Irish with an American accent. Except, of course, for all the south Co Dublin girls in Gaelscoileanna. They are like, totes not sent there to keep them keep away from paisti from other countries. Des took a satirical look at Irish politics in his show, Des Bishop's Election. The programme was a damning indictment of our electoral system. Until Danny Healy-Rae shared his views on climate change in the Dail. He raised the bar there.


Nicknamed the Comeback Kid after an epic struggle to get his feet under the desk in the Oval Office. And not just because Monica Lewinsky was under there already, says you. We will be forever in Bill's debt. If he didn't give Adams a visa to speak to Irish republicans about a ceasefire back in 1998, Gerry would have had to phone them. Transatlantic calls cost a fortune back then. Where would you expect Sinn Fein to get that kind of money?


Nobody gets to play in Croke Park five times in the one summer. Unless it's the Dublin football team enjoying an unfair advantage on their way to Sam, says you in a culchie accent. In an attempt to break the concert deadlock, Croke Park residents were offered half-a-million euro for their local community. Most of it was allocated for counselling, to help people get the lyrics of Standing Outside The Fire out of their head. (You try and listen to it five nights in a row.)


Saoirse was born in New York. So we'll have to stop going bananas when the Brits claim her in the run-up to the Oscars. That's the best part of our year gone now. We'll always have Michael Fassbender, says you, even though he's the only Kerry man in history who wasn't called O Se. Bad news there, too. He was born in Heidelberg. He's as Irish as pretending to get excited about Rory McIlroy, while secretly accepting he's from another country.

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