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Tuesday 30 September 2014

Irish father-of-two tells of how wife 'stabbed him up to fifteen times' and nobody believed him

Published 10/07/2014 | 11:27

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The domestic abuse survivor, who used the pseudonym ‘Paul’, described how his wife mentally and physically abused him and ended up stabbing him fifteen times in an alcohol-fuelled argument. (Photo posed by model)

An Irish father-of-two has told of how he was stabbed up to fifteen times by his wife and nobody would believe his story.

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The domestic abuse survivor, who used the pseudonym ‘Paul’, described how his wife mentally and physically abused him and ended up stabbing him fifteen times in an alcohol-fuelled argument.

The couple, who married shortly after their ‘whirlwind romance’ began, would regularly argue after night’s out socialising.

“We had an argument. We left the bar and when we got around to an alley way, I got the bejaysus kicked out of me,” he said this morning.

“You name it, I got it. I got punched, kicked, grabbed, everything. I’ll be honest with you; I was just in total disbelief.”

Paul described how they would be the ‘life and soul’ of the party but as soon as they got home they would fight.

“I’d get a cup thrown at me,” he told TV3’s Ireland AM.

“I don’t know if you remember the first cordless phones, you’d actually have to pull up an aerial to answer the call, I got that broken into my eye but like who did you tell? What did you do?

“Go down to the pub and say ‘look what the missus did to me last night’’? You don’t do it.”

Paul said he felt he had nowhere to go, as there were no refuges for men in Ireland at the time.

When in hospital with the stab wounds, Paul said he learned that his wife was spinning her own tale of what happened.

“Two guards came to see me [in the hospital] and it was even their attitude, the way they were speaking – ‘well, where did she stab you?’. I showed them,” he said.

“I had one of the hospital gowns on and I showed them my hand and I pulled it up [the gown] and showed them my belly and the Guard says to me ‘well, I wouldn’t really call them stab wounds’. So how do I win?

“While I was in hospital after being stabbed; she went to the judge and got a protection order. I was in hospital but she got a protection order. I don’t understand that. It doesn’t make sense to me.”

Paul said the most difficult part was losing his relationship with his children.

“When my child made their confirmation, I was the criminal at the back of the church. I didn’t get a photograph. I didn’t get anything. I was like a scumbag and it’s wrong. It’s very, very wrong,” he said.

Niamh Farrell, manager of Amen, a confidential helpline, support and information service for male victims of domestic abuse, said the service receives between 4,000 and 5,000 calls a year.

“There is the belief obviously that people think a man can’t be abused so when you go behind closed doors nobody knows what happens,” she said.

“We only ever hear one side of a story so it goes on much more that anyone understands or believes or accepts so it’s huge.

“The thing about it is and I always say, I can’t go into anybody’s house and solve their problems and take them out of those situations. They have to look for the help themselves."

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