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Thursday 8 December 2016

Kirsty at large: Star-spangled shindig turns to American wake

Published 13/11/2016 | 02:30

Kirsty and Noirin at the US Embassy party
Kirsty and Noirin at the US Embassy party

Sheesh. I'll tell you this much, the 'Democrats Abroad - Ireland' election party was a real downer.

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And the night had started so well - with the US Embassy throwing a star-spangled shindig in the Guinness Storehouse. A red carpet had been rolled out and lots of important looking people were knocking about.

I saw Danny Healy Rae eating a cheese burger, and got a photo with Noírín O'Sullivan (who was not eating a cheese burger).

Someone handed me a novelty top hat, there was a Statue of Liberty ice luge. I filled in a fake ballot form, analysed the best election gaffes and gifs and talked about Hillary's pantsuits.

A children's entertainer called 'Mr Balloonatic' had made a life-size Donald Trump balloon figurine and there was a free bar. In short, life was good.

Then the votes started rolling in, the band stopped playing, Mr Balloonatic deflated the Trump statue, and the tray of cheese burgers vanished. The mood had shifted - a lot. People started to mumble about secret voters as we were ushered out the door.

It was now 2:30am so I went home, ate half a Battenburg cake, took a disco nap and then rocked over to the Arlington Hotel to watch the remaining results at the aforementioned 'Democrats Abroad - Ireland' do.

It's slightly presumptuously titled 'Election of Hillary Clinton to the Presidency of the United States' party wasn't exactly going to plan. Around the room, people sat cradling pints and scratching their heads. Occasionally, ex-pats would emit cries of anguish. Needless to say, Mr Balloonatic was not at this party.

Rachel Harshman from Nashville had been there since 9pm.

"I feel like I'm covered in a thin layer of slime. It's like 9/11."

At one table 72-year-old Stephen Johnson was jotting down notes.

"What the establishment missed entirely was the fundamental anger, the unhappiness of hollowed-out American states.

"They didn't listen to them, and now they have voted," he said. "The Democrats didn't speak their language - Trump did."

By now the sun was up, a man was snoring on a bar stool, and a lounge girl was moping the ground with industrial strength Domestos.

And then, the president-elect took to the podium. A woman was at the front of the room glued to the wide screen TV. I sidled up and asked her if she was depressed/dejected/disgusted?

"Well no," Jessica Murtagh from LA said. "I voted Trump."

I did a double take, finding a staunch Trump supporter at a Democratic party seemed kind of weird. I asked why she was mixing with the enemy.

"Well there is no 'Republican Abroad - Ireland, so where was I supposed to go? Anyway, I am not a republican but I'll take a lame duck over a war monger any day."

I didn't get her logic, but I'd decided listening is better than lambasting. So I fastened up my coat and walked home hoping the new president proves all us wrong.

Holy sh*t! Cursing like sailor breaks glass ceiling and eases the Toblerone heartache

Isn’t swearing the best?

It’s so bracing — like jumping in a plunge pool or drinking vodka neat.

This week, a new study showed women are now champion cursers and swear five times as often as men.

Our use of the ‘f-bomb’ has also increased 500pc since the 1990s.

This is good news as there is plenty of reason to be effing and blinding these days (aside from the US election results).

A prequel to The Big Bang Theory is in the works. That’s right, the never ending sitcom responsible for coining the catch phrase “Bazinga!” is to be given a new lease of life. Hold me.  

Toblerone changed the shape of its iconic chocolate bar from glorious mountainous hunks to a gap-tooth clunky mess. It’s worth remembering that candy giant Mondelez International also put Cadbury chocolate in Philadelphia cream cheese, mixed Ritz crackers with Dairy Milk bars, scrapped gold coins, shrank the size of chocolate fingers and changed creme eggs. Which, I think we all agree, basically makes it a monster.

Speaking of which, Sesame Street favourite Cookie Monster came “under fire” when he appeared on BBC’s The One Show with a poppy pinned to his blue fur. An electric blue puppet.

All the best dames swear like sailors — Helen Mirren, Adele, Angela Scanlon, and Chrissy Teigan.

There’s a possibility that non-stop swearing may result in people abandoning phrases like ‘ladylike’ or worse still ‘potty mouth’.

And finally it makes the world a better place. Lead researcher of the academic study, Tony McEnroy, says female swearing helps erode the idea “that there is male and female language, [and] that there are things which men and women should or should not say”.

So think of the bigger picture and swear the house down.

Conor’s ‘Momager’ channels Kris Jenner

In homage to the world’s ultimate ‘Momager’, Margaret McGregor (aka Conor’s mam) will dress like Kris Jenner, when she attends his Madison Square Gardens punch up this evening.

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“Kris is the inspiration,” stylist Courtney Smith told me.

“I have styled some of the McGregor clan for the fight. She wanted something different, glamorous and New York, so she is suited and booted in a tailored Scribe suit and sexy boots.”

Conor’s sister Erin meanwhile will wear a tuxedo dress with crown embossed buttons.

“It’s a nice touch because the crown is The Mac Life symbol,” Courtney said.

“The what life?”

“Mac Life. It’s Conor’s lifestyle channel.” Gotcha.

The TV stylist was full of beans last Wednesday morning at the launch of her new Buffalo Show Lab collection.

“Stevie Nicks, David Bowie and rock ‘n’ roll were my style inspiration,” she said. “All these shoes should be wardrobe heroes.” And is that so much to ask?

SAY WHAT?

‘For all the work that we do here, we’re given ridiculous biscuits which are just disgusting’

Mannix Flynn addresses the issue of poor quality biscuits at Dublin Council meetings. #PinkWaferGate

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