Conor Cusack admits he was the victim of a homophobic slur days after coming out
Published 14/02/2014 | 23:10
Former Cork hurler Conor Cusack said he felt sorry for the person who wrote the word 'fag' on his van in the days after he revealed that he was attracted to men.
Conor hit the headlines last November when he wrote a hard-hitting blog on his battle with depression and revealed in January that he, like his brother Donal Og, was gay.
The 34-year-old has been inundated with support after making the decision to come out but reveals that he was the victim of a homophobic act in the days after his revealation.
"The Friday after my blog went out on a Monday. The Friday was kind of my day off work because I was off to give a number of talks in Offaly, Tipperary and Waterford that day," he told Ryan Tubridy on the Late Late Show.
"I came out the door in the morning and as I went around the door of my van I saw the word 'fag' written on my van. The first thing that came to my head was cigarrettes.
"I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach and it was similar to the feeling when I was being bullied all those years ago and for a split second I thought about retreating back into the house but I got into the van.
"Because of the incredible journey, I'm on I'm independent of the opinions and judgements of others but I found myself being drawn back into that place where I was after having the breakdown.
"I realised that the people that were bullying me were actually victims as well as they were in a place of darkness as well. I have a deep empathy for those people.
"When I was leaving Dungarvan that night driving back to Cork I was in a place of peace in my self as well where I know that the person who wrote that on my van isn't."
Conor, who now travels the country raising awareness about depression, detailed the night when he sat his parents down to tell them the news that they had a second gay son.
"I felt that if wanted to continue the work that I was involved with and to feel that I was being authentic and genuine with the people i was working with. I needed to talk about this part of my life," he added.
"I was driving back to Cloyne and passing my parents house and thought this is not the first time you're going to hear this.
"I could feel the butterflies in my stomach and my heart racing, eventually the two of them sat down together and I said look I need to have a discussion with you.
"I said look i've been involved in relationships with women and I've been involved in relationships with men and I've found I get a lot more fulfillment from being with a man.
"I knew for my parents to hear that it wasn't going to be easy. I had to do it. I tr wasn't easy for my parents to hear this for a second time.
"I can remember the day Donal Og told my dad because I was in the room with him and he was actually gay as well and I was here to myself 'Christ Conor, not only are you not the only gayb in the village, you're not even the only gay in your own house'."