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Friday 22 August 2014

Alan Shatter steps down... as ‘Minister for Time’

Published 28/03/2014 | 14:07

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The Minister is a self-confessed fan of Star Trek

Alan Shatter has resigned from his self-professed title of “Minister for Time”.

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The embattled Justice Minister has issued the twice a year reminder to adjust the clocks back and forward.

The Department of Justice is actually in charge of ensuring the country adheres to the correct time.

But Mr Shatter has withdrawn another statement from the official record by abandoning his title of “Minister with responsibility for time”.

He has also dropped the quirky comments he was employing last year to accompany his notifications.

This year’s reminder that of clocks go forward weekend is a more sedate affair.

“The Minister for Justice, Equality and Defence, Alan Shatter, TD, would like to remind the general public that “summer time” will commence at 1.00 a.m. Greenwich Mean Time on Sunday 30 March 2014.  Clocks and watches should be put forward one hour at that time.

“Summer time will end at 1.00 a.m. Greenwich Mean Time on Sunday 26 October 2014.”

Compare that to this time last year, when a less pressurised minister truly was a Time Lord.

“For those interested it should be noted that a new series of Doctor Who commences on BBC 1 tonight Saturday 30 March at 6:15 pm,” his statement at the time said.

And six months ago the minister urged the public to “seize the hour”.

“The Minister urges the public whilst enjoying this traditional shift in time to use the extra hour wisely and to make the most of the 27 October 2013 which is in fact the only 25 hour day in the year.

“Minister Shatter said: “It is timely that we make the most of this annual return to where we were, and not let this extra hour pass us by unacknowledged.”

“The Minister said concluding 'Carpe Horam’ (Latin for seize the hour)”

And the minister also turned weather forecaster last autumn.

“In making this announcement Minister Shatter said, “Unfortunately many feel after the weather of recent weeks that Spring has passed us by. While none of us can control the weather, I hope that the change in time will usher in better and warmer weather for the second quarter of 2013.”

 

Shatter’s attempts at humour:

 

LAURA’S LYING

The sex scene in his steamy novel ‘Laura’ must have been intended as a parody.

“Her inexperienced hands touched him so tentatively that every muscle in his body ached for fulfilment.”

“They were lying on the carpeted floor of his office.” 

“It was almost midnight and, except for the Gardaí at the entrance gates, Leinster House was deserted.”

 

SPACE CADET

In his political comeback in the 2007 general election, he used the vague similarity of his surname to William Shatner aka Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the Starship Enterprise in Star Trek for alleged comic effect.

 

DOCTOR WHO

His sci-fi fascination continued last year when he reminded everyone “a new series of Doctor Who commences on BBC 1 tonight”.

 

SANTA’S CLEARANCE

The “Minister for Time” sought to assure children “all necessary arrangements have been made to facilitate the timely arrival of Santa Claus on Christmas Day”. 

“As Chairperson of the Government Task Force on Emergency Planning, I have asked Met Éireann to ensure that a speedy response be given to any requests Santa makes for information on any threatened extreme weather conditions that could impede his progress.”

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