'I could have lived without a breast. . .'
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Wednesday October 21 2009
Julia Simpson (39) from Ardrahan, Co Galway, had a breast reconstruction over a year ago following a mastectomy on her left breast, but if she could turn the clock back, she'd do it all differently.
In March 2008, the mum-of-two felt a pain under her arm. She had it checked out and scans showed high grade pre-cancer cells covering 10cm of her breast area.
There was no other option but a mastectomy. Despite her reluctance, Julia's doctors recommended that she go ahead with breast reconstruction.
"I said I didn't think I needed one. Nonsense, they said. You're only 38, you need to have this done. You're too young to go around without a breast. But for me, while the thought of losing a breast was traumatic, I could have lived without it."
Julia found the surgery and the after-effects of the reconstruction -- a saline-filled implant using tissues from her back -- especially painful. Her back hurt and her arms were stiff. Recovery took a full year.
"The muscles were all moved around and it's still uncomfortable on my back and my breast implant moves around when I move. The muscles feel stretched."
But she also believes that the implant prevented her from dealing with the huge emotional impact of what had happened to her.
While doctors hope that the reconstruction will help the patient move on psychologically from the cancer diagnosis, for Julia it worked the opposite way.
She felt that having the reconstruction prevented her from accepting that she had had cancer, and denied her the relief of the visible evidence that it had gone.
"I felt that reconstruction was just masking what had happened," Julia says. "You see, my dad had died from pancreatic cancer 15 years ago, his cancer was too advanced to treat.
'So for me to be told I had cancer it was such a scary thing. I just wanted them to get rid of it -- I didn't care how I would look afterwards. I felt I had to deal with the fact that I had cancer, rather than making myself look pretty afterwards.
"Visually, yes, while it's not perfect, it looks good in clothes. But I still can't dress as I would have done beforehand as there is swelling under my arm, so I couldn't wear a sleeveless top.
"My cleavage is not as plump or smooth as it was before. Shopping is difficult, as it's hard to find nice going-out clothes with sleeves or a high cut.
"I know for lots of women, reconstruction is brilliant but I could have lived without a breast."
Irish Independent
