Two Irish people kill themselves every day -- I was nearly one of them
Related Articles
Caroline McGuigan was halfway through killing herself when she decided she did not want to die. She had ingested several pills and more were on the table in front of her when an overriding urge to live -- to survive -- took hold.
The Dublin woman was lucky. Her husband John arrived just in time and she was rushed to hospital.
"I remember sitting up in the hospital bed torn between thinking I was relieved to be alive and this feeling that I wasn't even able to take my own life, that I'd failed."
Almost 20 years later and Caroline, now 45 and a mother-of-two, still finds it difficult to look back on that bleak period of her life where she routinely considered killing herself.
"There's no simple reason why I thought about ending it all," she says. "Over a period of time, anxiety crept into my life and grew to a point where I thought I was losing my mind. I don't know where that anxiety came from, but it really troubled me.
"I didn't tell anyone because I didn't know what was happening myself. Increasingly, a feeling that I was a burden on people took hold and I couldn't see the wood from the trees.
"I couldn't imagine how devastating it would be for John if I killed myself, all I could think of was I was in the way. That everyone who knew me would be better off if I was gone."
Through John's help and the support of other loved ones Caroline found strength in adversity. A former legal secretary, she returned to education after the births of her children. She is now a fully qualified psychotherapist.
Seven years ago, frustrated by the services open to people at risk of suicide, she founded Suicide or Survive.
"For too long in this country we have swept the subject of suicide under the carpet," she says. "Maybe there's a cultural reason for that -- the idea of suicide being considered sinful by the Catholic Church continues to leave its mark -- but we all have an obligation to address the subject."
Tomorrow, Suicide or Survive will receive its most high-profile boost to date when Dublin's footballers will wear the logo on their jerseys for the match with Kerry at Croke Park -- the first encounter between the two GAA giants since their epic encounter in the All-Ireland final back in September.
Vodafone, Dublin's jersey sponsors, have agreed to allow Suicide or Survive to use their shirt space. It is the first time a jersey logo will have been handed over by a sponsor to a charity for a competitive inter-county match.
Dublin's hurling match against Galway (in Pearse Stadium, Galway, on February 26) will also see Suicide or Survive emblazoned on the famous sky blue jerseys.
Dublin GAA CEO John Costello said the county "didn't think twice" when asked to support the campaign.
"With one-in-four people experiencing mental health problems at some stage, it is essential that organisations like the GAA get behind efforts to encourage people to talk."
"The GAA is so popular and there will be a big crowd at Croke Park and watching on television," Caroline says. "Awareness is a positive thing and the more discussion there is around suicide the greater the chance that the high prevalence of it in Ireland will be reduced.
"Think about the various road safety campaigns that have happened over the years. They've had a direct impact on reducing road fatalities because they've encouraged people to act differently -- whether it's wearing seatbelts or driving slower.
"If vulnerable people feel there are enough support mechanisms in place to help them cope with suicidal tendencies, I believe the suicide rate in Ireland will be reduced."
It's thought that at least 600 people took their own lives in this country last year -- three times more than the figure for 1980.
But there are no reliable suicide statistics. Campaigners work off the premise that two people commit suicide every day here.
"The recession has led to an increase in suicide," Caroline says. "People who never thought they'd find themselves with money difficulties are struggling to keep afloat.
"Some risk losing their house. Maybe their relationship is in difficulty. It's hardly surprising in that sort of environment that people can feel they can't cope.
"It also remains a significant issue for men, particularly those who live in rural Ireland. Much of that seems to stem from the feeling of isolation they experience as the country becomes more urban."
Yet, Caroline believes that all of those at risk of suicide can devise coping strategies to help them see the bigger picture.
"My wellness strategies might seem very simple but they really help me. One is a daily walk -- on my own -- in which I can switch off if I want to or work out any problems I might have.
"The other is making sure to eat healthily, to make the time to have proper meals. These things keep me grounded and provide the sort of simple pleasures that make life so special."
Despite this, Caroline says she has tough days too. "It hasn't been all plain-sailing. There are times where I feel really down, and I think those moments are also part of life.
"The difference now is those times don't get to me like they used to. I say to myself 'it's okay to feel this way -- you're not a lesser person because of it'."
Caroline's children Conor (14), and Amy (11), are aware of their mother's past.
"I told them when I thought they were old enough to hear it," she says. "I really believe in the power of communication and had I felt that way back in the early 1990s I don't think I would have taken that overdose.
"I know it's a cliché, but talking problems out really does help to give you perspective. The devastating fact is that it's often the little things that make the difference between someone choosing suicide or life."
Donations (€2) can be made to Suicide or Survive by texting"SOS" to 50300. Tickets for tomorrow's Dublin-Kerry match at Croke Park are still available and cost €13 for adults and €5 for children. Throw-in is at 7.15pm.
- John Meagher
Irish Independent
