This Life: Finding that special someone
Orla Barry gives advice with your problems
The problem
I'm a woman in her late 20s and I know it probably sounds like a typical problem-page cliché but I would really love to meet someone to settle down with.
I know there's no magic formula for finding a life partner; I know you just have to let it happen. Most of the time I'm fine with this, and I suppose time is still on my side, but there are days when my inability to meet someone really gets me down.
So what are you doing about it? There's no point sitting at home fretting and wondering where have all the men gone. Get off your butt and do something.
It sounds like a typical cliché because that's exactly how you're viewing it. So here you are in your late 20s and single. Oh, how terrible this is. Well, it's not terrible at all. What is inexcusable is that you're spending time moping about it. And I'll tell you one thing, if you think people don't notice this is bothering you, you're mistaken.
The tone of your question says it all. This is eating you up and when you sit in a bar or a club hoping for that person to walk up and knock you off your feet, your attitude will send them running in the opposite direction.
Desperate women frighten off hopeful men.
And don't for a moment think that there aren't men out there fretting with the same thoughts.
There are, I have met them, and I've run in the opposite direction. Because they are so anxious to settle down, they forget to enjoy the fun of the search and the exquisite joy of those first few months when everything is a new and delightful discovery.
Life doesn't come as a neat package where you meet your true love by your mid-20s, marry by 30 and have your perfect family before you strike middle age. It's messy and unexpected and pitted with holes that we all stumble into.
You're at the age when friends and colleagues are getting married and likely watching your money disappear into endless gifts and new outfits.
Carrie was onto something in Sex And The City when she said: "We pay to celebrate couples' life choices, but after graduation that's it for us with gifts, except birthdays, and everybody has those."
You might be looking on in envy but none of us knows what it's really like to be in their shoes.
The perfect relationship doesn't exist. I talked to one friend recently about her rocky relationship and she admitted that she's only in it now because she doesn't want to be alone. She hasn't figured out how to get out of the relationship or how to be happy by herself.
In truth she's plain miserable and she will stay that way until she has the courage to walk away and start appreciating herself as a single person.
Films all dwell on the search for the perfect partner and miss out on the actual joy you can have as a single person.
Friendships are inevitably more fulfilling because you are investing more time in them.
Struggling
Right now your time is your own and you should be appreciating that because it won't be long before you're struggling to have a moment for yourself.
So you're wondering what to do about it. First thing you must do over the coming weeks is say yes to everything -- well, within reason.
It's easy to get caught in a rut, doing the same things, meeting the same people and then wondering where all the single men are.
Your frame of mind indicates you've got yourself stuck in a pattern of behaving and thinking.
That needs to change. However, you need to be proactive too. You can't expect people to suddenly walk up to you with offers of nights out or activities away. You need to instigate that.
Invite colleagues and their friends out for a night or to an event. This will immediately widen your social circle. Think about the type of chap you might like. What kind of things might he enjoy? Go along to an event that he would attend.
Evening classes, despite the cliché, aren't a bad start. The fun part is there are evening classes in pretty much everything now so you can learn a new skill in the most obscure of things.
When you walk into the first class and start fretting that the only chap there looks like he might keel over at any moment, don't lose hope.
Class members usually get bored and thirsty and at some point will suggest drinks out. At this stage you recommend they bring along a friend the next time around, preferably a single one.
It might prove a surprisingly popular suggestion.
Dating
I haven't mentioned speed or internet dating at this stage because I have reservations about both. I do know of people who have successfully hooked up through one of these methods but honestly the failure rate is high.
The attraction of the internet is that you can create a totally fantastical image for yourself but then it's a little embarrassing when you eventually hook up.
The tough thing about starting a relationship is putting yourself out there. If you do decide to go down this route, don't spend months emailing back and forth.
And when you meet them, do have a back-up plan. There are lots of oddballs out there too.
Two websites that sound a little bit different than the usual crop are muddymatches.co.uk and itsjustlunch.com.
Muddymatches genuinely sounds like good fun.
It was originally a British-based website which recently expanded its membership to Ireland. The idea is to bring people together who might have similar levels of "country mindedness" or "muddiness".
If there's a little bit of a culchie in you, it could be just the thing. Itsjustlunch.com appeals to me because, well, that's all it is. Once lunch is over you never have to see them again.
What do you mean by 'I suppose time is on my side.' You're in your 20s, for goodness sake.
These are the years you should be exploring everything life has to offer. Take a year out, climb Kilimanjaro, change careers, learn Chinese.
If you did any of these things you wouldn't have time to mope about being single and you just don't know who you might bump into along the way.
