A land of red tape and bureaucracy... enough to sink Noah and his Ark
Slow process: Government rules and and regulations have placed serious barriers in the way of people attempting any sort of development work. Not even Noah could beat the bureaucrats!
Anyone who is attempting to build a house or shed or looking to invest in forestry will enjoy an email recently sent to me.
It describes the huge difficulties confronting those attempting development in Ireland. Once you start, you will be confronted by a mind-boggling array of rules and regulations.
If trees are to be removed, the Forest Service will require a felling licence which still necessitates a visit from the local gardai. An Taisce, Parks and Wildlife, the Heritage Council and others may all have a say and you might even have to produce an environmental impact assessment. Even your REPS plan may need changing.
The sad part is that most planners and officials in Government are themselves buried under rules that are often not of their own making and seem to be there solely to make life difficult for everyone concerned.
And if your land lies within an SAC or EPA, you may forget about changing anything. Forestry will be prohibited regardless of its obvious benefits to the environment.
Above all, don't try to harness electricity from the air or water. Every resident within a 20-mile radius will object, even though you are clearly making a huge contribution to our nation's welfare. Enough said. Enjoy Noah.
Noah's Ark, 2008 -- In the year 2008 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Ireland, and said: 'Once again, the Earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.'
He gave Noah the drawings, saying: 'You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but no Ark.
'Noah!' he roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where's the Ark?'
'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed building regulations approval and I've been arguing with the fire department on the need for a sprinkler system.
'My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it is a temporary structure. We had then to go through an appeals process for a decision. Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
'Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we have to apply for a felling licence to chop down the remaining ones. We live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the hen harrier. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the birds -- but no go!
'When I started gathering the animals, the ISPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. I pointed out it would be even more cruel and inhumane to leave them to drown but, again, they were having none of it.
"Then the county council, the Environment Protection Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
'I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many disabled carpenters I'm supposed to hire for my building team. The trade unions say I can't use my sons. I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience.
'To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
'So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.'
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and birds started to sing.
Noah looked up and asked: 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world after all?'
'No,' said the Lord. 'The Irish Government are beating me to it.'
- Joe Barry
