Sad reality for Big Brother
The reality TV show Big Brother Celebrity Hijack rattles to a close tomorrow. It's almost a dead cert that amateur boxer Anthony will emerge the winner. In fact, he could probably pledge an allegiance to Osama bin Laden and he'd probably still claim the tight-fisted prize money.
Yes, he may be a little dim and does have what can only be described as an indecipherable patois, nonetheless, he has shown himself to be very sweet, level-headed and good-natured. If the bookies' odds are to be believed, conceptual artist Amy is his nearest challenger.
Last Wednesday night's footage was actually quite entertaining. (Yes, surprising, but I'll come to that later). Instead of sitting comfortably in their hijacker booth, dishing out mundane tasks, former All Saints members Nicola Appleton (wife of Liam Gallagher) and Melanie Blatt ingratiated themselves with the housemates.
They danced like maniacs, got sloshed on champers and broke a fundamental BB rule by revealing information from the "outside world". They also tried to give love's young dream a shove in the right direction by telling Emilia that Jeremy was in love with her.
During his stint as a hijacker, comedian Jimmy Carr tried to rile things up by doing some much needed mind-meddling. One by one, housemates were called to the Diary Room and told to rate each of their fellow housemates in order from most to least in the categories of looks, intelligence and talent.
Of course, when the results were revealed, some people were less than impressed with their scores, particularly classical musician and bunny-boiler Calista, who was rated one of the ugliest and least intelligent. It's a shame BB didn't play more of these games earlier in the series. Things could have been so different.
Last Friday night, as part of a double eviction, Calista and fashion designer Jay were booted out, leaving Anthony, Amy, Jeremy, Nathan, Jon and Emilia to battle it out. Yes, the lithe, flexible contortionist is still in there and, yes, she is sadly still succeeding in making me feel incredibly guilty about everything I do (food) and don't do (exercise).
Other hijackers last week included the loud, brash McQueen sisters from the soap Hollyoaks, Mackenzie Crook from comedy show The Office, comedian Roseanne Barr, and Malcolm McLaren who recently chickened out at the last minute from I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.
So, all in all, was this year's Big Brother installment a success? I'm afraid not. While the idea did look clever on paper, it failed miserably to make an impact. You see, the characters just weren't interesting and weird enough. They were just too tolerant and non-judgmental, which, let's face it, doesn't facilitate what we really want -- a hotbed of argy-bargy and bitchiness.
Furthermore, the tasks set for them were invariably unimaginative and dull, while the celebrity hijackers were just too kind -- they wanted to be the housemates' friend rather than foe. You couldn't help but feel at times that it was like watching a group of exceptionally well-behaved, well-mannered youngsters sharing a small flat.
To add insult to injury, it looks like Big Brother 9 (which is due on our screens in the summer) is already doomed for failure before it has even started. According to a British tabloid last week, BB9 is to be moved from its usual primetime slot to a late-night 'graveyard' one.
As I'm sure you know by now, I have had a deeply satisfying love affair with Big Brother since its conception back in 2000, but although it pains me to say, I really do feel that its time is up. The end is nigh. It should opt now, while its legacy isn't completely tarnished.
Love it or hate it, you can't deny the extent to which BB changed the face of both television and popular culture.
But how did all fall apart? What went so wrong so quickly as to crush what was such a powerful beast? I'm afraid it all unfolded spectacularly this exact time last year, when that grotesque creature Jade Goody displayed the most startling feats of stupidity, ignorance and jealously in her treatment of Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty.
It was an incident that transcended political boundaries, spiralled into an international controversy and managed to turn Channel Four into public enemy numero uno. It also resulted in BB losing its loyal sponsor and the majority of its viewers.
And to think that last week queen protagonist Jade Goody had the smugness and audacity to declare publicly that the show was a dead duck, but failed to acknowledge any part in its decline.
Big Brother was the evolution of reality TV. Given its sad demise, does it signal a sign of things to come for reality TV in general?
