Thursday 25 May 2017

Mr Cowell's boys going in the right direction

Win or lose, these five teenage heart-throbs are truly destined for great things, writes Andrea Byrne

Unless Wagner was to take to the stage wearing nothing but a G-string while banging his bongos with furious aplomb, it's doubtful he'll survive another week on The X Factor.

First off, Wagner isn't very talented, which we could forgive (one word -- Jedward), only that he has been behaving badly over the last few days. He decided he could no longer live with his other X Factor degenerates, I mean contestants, and has moved out.

The smell, apparently, got too much for the self-proclaimed Lothario, causing him to go on the rampage with a can of deodorant. However, his fellow housemates didn't believe that he was operating in the name of good aroma, but that instead, he was trying to sabotage their prized vocal cords.

Wagner also branded The X Factor a fix, accusing bosses of purposely giving him terrible songs to sing, which is rather disappointing because it leads us to believe that Wagner actually takes himself seriously. Does he not know that Louis Walsh put him there for comedic reasons alone?

After The X Factor cameras exposed girl group Belle Amie's in-fighting last week (they were arguing over who got to sing more lines), it wasn't surprising that they should find themselves in the bottom two. It's quite probable that they will endure similar humiliation tonight, which would mean that Simon Cowell would be down to just one act. But what a fine act it is.

Is it disturbing that as a 26-year-old woman I adore teenage boyband One Direction? Invariably, with boybands you're lucky to have one heartthrob, but all five members of One Direction are exceptionally cute, even the Irish one.

Furthermore, unlike other boybands, say for example Boyzone, where not a single member of the band can actually sing, these young hotties all have great voices. I think One Direction might actually win this year's X Factor, but even if they don't, I reckon they're destined for great things.

Cheryl Cole will perform her new single on tonight's show. Given that she is a "mentor" to four contestants who are actually far better singers than she is, it's understandable that Chazza would want to sound pitch-perfect, and the only way to make absolutely sure of that is to mime, of course.

But maybe we should forgive Cheryl for any potential slip-ups, because her acts, we're told, have her rushed off her Louboutin-clad feet. Rumours abound that Cher Lloyd and Katie Waissel can't stand each other, and that poor Cheryl is struggling to control the diva-like behaviour of the two girls.

Also, Katie, or The Troll, as some friends have taken to calling her, has become a hate figure once again, having been accused of leaking a story to the tabloids that she had engaged in a bit of rumpy-pumpy with fellow contestant Matt Cardle -- when in fact she hadn't, well, so he says anyway.

Why people are voting for Cher continues to escape me. Yes, she likes mixing rap with pop, and has her own ideas about what she wants to do and what she wants to wear, but it's one big chavtastic mess.

What about the other contestants? As good a voice as Mary Byrne has, it's beginning to get a tad boring. Is it just me, or is it all a bit samey, and dare I say it, a bit cabaret? Matt has a cracking voice but an altogether bland personality and looks in desperate need of a wash. Meanwhile, Aidan Grimshaw somehow manages to drain the life out of every song he sings. Rebecca Ferguson has a wonderfully unique, soulful voice, but the shy, retiring, borderline drippy act is becoming a little hard to believe, largely because she's from Liverpool and people from Liverpool are nothing if not brash.

Treyc Cohen is excellent, but, seriously, have you seen the size of her arse? Wowser! As for Paije Richardson, he's cuddly, cute and inoffensive, but he won't win it. Oops, I nearly forgot about John Adeleye, which let's face it, is easily done. Paralysingly boring, he'll be given his marching orders very soon, but hopefully not before Cheryl Cole loses an act, or two.

The X Factor is broadcast tonight at 7.45pm on TV3 and ITV

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