Judge dread
The X Factor is back, and few can resist the spectacle of talentless individuals trying to convince the judges that they can sing, the cutting opinions of the latter and, just occasionally, the chance to see the birth of a new popstar, writes Declan Cashin
Like the Christmas season, the new series of The X Factor seems to start earlier every year. Kicking off tonight, the show will run every Saturday evening (with a results show on Sundays) until December 13, when the eventual winner will vie for, and if past form is anything to go by, claim the Christmas No 1 single position.
Now in its sixth year, The X Factor doesn't seem to be showing any signs of wear and tear. If anything, last year's instalment rebooted the series entirely. Viewing figures for the 2008 run were the highest ever, up an average of 20pc on the previous year.
The final episode last December, which saw Alexandra Burke beat boyband JLS, attracted a staggering 16.5 million votes, and was watched by more than 14 million people, making it the second most-watched UK television programme of the year (narrowly beaten by the Christmas Day screening of Wallace and Gromit).
The talent in the last series was, on average, stronger than it had been in years, but arguably the biggest shot in the arm to The X Factor was the arrival of Cheryl Cole as a new judge to join Simon Cowell, Dannii Minogue and Irish pop maestro Louis Walsh.
Dannii had been the fresh face (a little too 'fresh', if you follow) that brought new blood into the series after replacing Sharon Osbourne in 2007, but it was Cole who became a pop culture phenomenon, her rising tide helping to lift The X Factor boat in the process.
The Girls Aloud singer quickly endeared herself in the hearts of contestants and the viewers by wearing her heart on her sleeve, and offering kind, teary-eyed praise and advice to just about every performer that came before the judging panel.
Within weeks of her debut, Cheryl had become a style icon, and any glossy magazine worth its salt had her on their covers week-in, week-out throughout the latter part of 2008. Indeed, Cheryl's elevation from 'mere' pop star/WAG to national treasure and commercial powerhouse is proof, as if any more were needed, that The X Factor is as much about the judges as it is the contestants.
How could it be any other way when it's the brainchild of TV's most egotistical, narcissistic, arrogant and sublimely entertaining man, Simon Cowell? Goaded gently by genial host Dermot O'Leary (and The Xtra Factor's Holly Willoughby), Simon's eye-rolling, blunt honesty, cutting remarks and all-round general sneering is pivotal to the success of not only this show, but his other talent show behemoths: Britain's Got Talent and, of course, American Idol.
He and Sharon Osbourne always had a mutually respectful, if staid, relationship on-screen, but in recent years Simon has been positively glowing as he interacts with Dannii and Cheryl. Predictably, the tabloids have obsessively suggested that there's a rivalry between the two glamorous female judges, but, so far, there has been little evidence of that on-screen.
Then there's the matter of the up-and-down friendship between Simon and Mayo man Louis Walsh. The two have always ripped shreds off each other on camera, but maintain that they are the best of buds behind it all. That relationship was nearly destroyed for good, however, in early 2007, when Simon fired Louis just before the start of the fourth series.
After a public outcry, Simon reversed his decision, and not only did Louis return as a judge, but by all accounts his pay-packet has continued to soar ever since -- he now earns a reported £1.3m (€1.5m) a series.
Louis himself has a tempestuous track record with his other colleagues on the judging panel. He was always great friends with Sharon, but even she lashed out at him during one live instalment in 2005 by throwing three cups of water over him after he criticised one of her acts.
Then there was the famous incident last year when Louis accused Dannii of 'stealing' a song from one of his acts live on-air, sparking a heated row that left the Aussie singer in tears. "I really fell out with Dannii last year," Louis admits to Weekend. "But so far we're getting on very well this series.
"That was all real. Everything you see between us is real. That's why everyone watches The X Factor. It's part reality, part talent show, part soap opera and part Jerry Springer."
Starting tonight, viewers will see the first of the audition stages, when all the wannabes, from the sublime to the utterly ridiculous, try to win over the judges with their vocal abilities, callow star appeal, and, if they're really lucky, heart-wrenching back stories.
The format for this stage of the show has changed this year: now, all auditions will take place before an audience of 2,000 people, similar to the style of Britain's Got Talent. "That really makes things crazy," Louis says. "There's nowhere for us judges to hide this year."
The filming of auditions commenced in June and, by this stage, the boot-camp stages have passed and each judge knows the category they will mentor -- 16--24 males; 16--24 females; over 25s; or groups -- when the live studio shows kick off on October 10.
Is Louis happy with his category? "Hmm... yes," is all he says. "It will make for good TV. The talent is much better in all categories. I've seen four or five incredible people that could easily be winners."
As for whether there is any Irish talent involved this year, Louis offers this cryptic titbit: "There's something there. Irish viewers will be intrigued, that's all I will say."
The judges are bound to praise the talent involved but, nevertheless, the question must be asked: is The X Factor even worth winning? The track record for the victors of televised talent shows is notoriously mixed. For every Will Young, there's a Michelle McManus or David Sneddon.
To be fair, the career prospects of the winners are better than average in The X Factor universe. Okay, the inaugural winner, Steve Brookstein, proved to be a total dud, as did the 2007 (series 4) winner Leon Jackson. The series two champ, Shayne Ward, started very promisingly, but has seen his star fade considerably in the last two years.
Last year's choice, Alexandra Burke, scored the inevitable Christmas No 1 with her version of Hallelujah, and will launch her next single, and debut album, this autumn with an appearance on one of The X Factor live studio shows. Meanwhile, the 2008 runners-up, JLS, have done extremely well, reaching the UK No 1 in July with their first single, Beat Again.
Of course, all The X Factor survivors pale in comparison to the show's most successful winner to date, Leona Lewis. Having been crowned in 2006, Leona bagged the festive No 1 in the UK with the single, A Moment Like This. Under Simon's management (and a helpful appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show), Leona cracked the US when both her debut album, Spirit, and her single Bleeding Love, shot to No 1 in the American Billboard charts -- the first time in 20 years that a British recording artist pulled off such a feat.
Those are mighty big shoes for any of this year's contestants to fill, but what fun it will be watching them try. And as much as you will fight it in the coming weeks and months, the chances are very high that your Saturday night will, in Dermot O'Leary's words, start with The X Factor.
- Paul Whitington
